Merry Christmas, errybody

Ah, the balmy days of an Alabama winter. Our family just got back from Christmas in Tampa, Florida, where we attended my cousin Charlie Gage's wedding, a delightful affair in perfect weather. It never gets below 50 degrees in Tampa, in case you were wondering. Things are nice here in Montgomery, too; I wear shorts in the morning when I jog, and short sleeves all day. Yesterday my sister and I had to turn on the air conditioning in her car as we drove around town. So far the break has been warm, relaxing, and restful, so no worries here. Hope all of you are enjoying the same.

So is this a contract?

"As a small token of your friendship Sauron asks this," he said: "that you should find this thief," such was his word, "and get from him, willing or no, a little ring, the least of rings, that once he stole. It is but a trifle that Sauron fancies, and an earnest of your good will. Find it, and three rings that the Dwarf-sires possessed of old shall be returned to you, and the realm of Moria shall be yours for ever. Find only news of the thief, whether he still lives and where, and you shall have great reward and lasting friendship from the Lord. Refuse, and things will not seem so well. Do you refuse?" --The Fellowship of the Ring, in "The Council of Elrond" Heidi Bond's blog cracked me up today, via mefi. She takes this "offer" and analyzes it according to Contracts law, which I just finished studying a semester of. A great glimpse into the pervasive, surreal and mind-numbing nature of legal thought today.

Twas the Night Before Christmas in Brooklyn

Twas the night before Christmas,
Da whole house was mella,
Not a creature was stirrin',
Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla.
When up on da roof
I heard somethin' pound
I sprung to da window,
To scream, "YO! Keep it down!"
When what to my
Wanderin' eyes should appear,
But da Don of all elfs,
And eight friggin' reindeer!
Wit' slicked back black hair,
And a silk red suit,
don Christopher wuz here,
And he brought da loot!
Wit' a slap to dare snouts,
And a yank on dare manes,
He cursed and he shouted,
And he called dem by name.
"Yo Tony, Yo Frankie,
Yo Vinny, Yo Vito,
Ay Joey, Ay Paulie,
Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!"
As I drew out my gun
And hid by da bed,
He flew troo da winda
And slapped me 'side da head.
"What da hell you doin'
Pullin' a gun on da Don?
Now all you're gettin' is coal,
You friggin' moron!"
Den pointin' a fat finga
Right unda my nose,
He twisted his pinky ring,
And up da chimney he rose.
He sprang to his sleigh,
Obscenities screamin',
Away dey all flew, Before he troo dem a beatin'.
Den I heard him yell out,
What I did least expect,
"Merry Friggin' Christmas to all,
And yous better show some respect!"

It’s midnight, Saturday night. I’ve been at my desk studying for my civil procedure exam since 6:30, so long my posterior is complaining (inaudibly). I don’t mind, though, as I’ve got jurisdiction down cold. A few minutes ago a car went past slowly, sounding odd, muffled. Scout got nervous and ran to the door, the usual indication of either a needed pee or a stranger’s presence, so I went downstairs to let her out and it was so quiet and so completely white I walked outside in the absolutely silent snow, falling like thousands of tiny paper diamonds. So new nothing had disturbed its smooth blanket anywhere, only the one set of tire tracks through what was once the street in front of my house. Seriously, four inches in as many hours. This is Ada’s second snow, but this one is nicer, dry and cleaner than the deluge we got two weeks ago, where it got warm the day after and everything was soon just cold mud. Tonight it is well below freezing, and the snow stays frozen in your glove, on your jacket. It is perfect for snowballs, as Scout discovered much to her bewilderment, then dismay, then triumph. I am frequently reminded by my friends who are amused by the fact I am from Alabama that this is normal. Last year they got eighteen inches in two days, yada yada. But I don’t care. There is something so strange about snow that it’s like sunrises or fettuccini alfredo, cranking the music up when I drive. I hope it never gets old. I just wish there were some hills around here. Anyway, final exams are halfway over and sanity is with us, which is good. On campus the mood can go from jubilation to despair in about four seconds flat, then back again, although since we don’t know how we’ve done on our tests so far it’s hard to really relax. These are by far the hardest I’ve ever taken. But it’s the same for everybody, so all you can do, ironically, is hope your friends did worse than you did. I reckon we’ll see. The career services department has started cooking food every day after some students reported they had foregone cooking (and eating?) in order to study, which I thought was a bit ridiculous, but the free chili is nice. I would say as a general proposition that giving out free granola bars is the sort of behavior we should encourage. (Justices O'Connor, Rehnquist, Powell, Scalia, concurring. Justices Brennan, White, and Marshall dissenting on grounds of failure to prove intestinal jurisdiction.) I’ll be home on the 20th. I can’t wait to see yall.

Ouch

Just emerged from my Property final exam, three and a half hours of grueling analytical mayhem. I couldn't sleep very well last night because my study group stayed at the library late and I had a lot running through my head when I finally hit the sack at 11:00 pm. So a group of us are heading to the Beagle for a commiseratory beer and then I'm heading to the casa for a well-deserved nap. Please excuse me, my brain is slap wore out.

hubba hubba

So there I was perusing the date ads when I ran across the girl of my dreams..

um

I know blogs are pointless, often self-aggrandizing bouts of senseless twaddle, but I hope mine isn't this bad.

good article

Calvin and Hobbes, we hardly knew you.

help a brother out

Well Matt has decided to do the right thing even if, in the end, his posterior may disagree. He'll be cruising over 500 miles on a bike as part of an AIDS/LifeCycle ride in June, and he needs help ponying up the requisite pledge money. Go here for some info and go here to make a donation. If you've never perched in the saddle for a long period of time, trust me - it takes dedication.

Good stuff on Saturday: Set 1: Wilson Cars Trucks Buses Limb By Limb Dirt Seven Below Divided Sky Fast Enough For You Julius Set 2: Twist > Simple Taste Makisupa Policeman Buffalo Bill* David Bowie Strange Design Character Zero Encore: Friday * w/ Tom Marshall

new candidate for the darwin awards

A bullet fired in the air during a Ku Klux Klan initiation ceremony came down and struck a participant in the head
(via jim)

Tony on the Tallulah*

*note expression of mortal terror in third shot ;)

starting them early

For you kayakers out there, EJ is launching his own line of playboats. They look pretty slick. You can check them out here, but don't expect them in stores anytime soon. Also, check out his new trick, the McNasty. What is additionally cool is his line of kids' boats, which is on one hand is good because they will probably help get people into the sport at a younger age, but on the other hand may mean you'll be rescuing twelve-year-olds from whirlpools and strainers. Do we really want kids on class IV rivers? Where do we draw the line?

a place I'd rather be

This is so stupid I've just got to get one for Scout.

Blame this one on Nate

Why can't Episcopalians play chess?

Because they can't tell their bishops from queens.

eschew obfuscation

Need a completely meaningless essay on the poststructural dynamics of Madonna's music? Marxist-Freudian interpretations of blue shoelaces? Interpersonal Hegelian beanpole dialectics? Look no further than the Postmodern Generator, a funny take on the excesses of modern cultural theory. My favorite: "The Failure of Culture: Pretextual capitalist theory and subtextual feminism"
What!?

wow. these are rabbits.

just a thought

There’s very little occurring in Ada tonight but the weather. I’ve heard my neighbors talk about the winter wind around here, how during November the northern currents move absolutely unimpeded through the area, but I’d not noticed it until tonight. The wind has descended. As I sit upstairs in my little cubbyhole, trying to study, sipping tea and listening to a bit of Gillian Welch, the wind has wrapped around my house. It is a constant murmur, building and slowing and building again, enough to make the neighborhood dogs bark. When a particularly large gust arrives, after its untold movements across a full day over the western flatlands, the house records its presence, creaking here and there around the windows, something on the front porch whistling. This afternoon a storm passed over borne on this same progression of air and was gone within minutes, thunderheads piled up to the sky, prairie schooners moving east. Leaving the town wet and washed. I walked outside and watched bright orange gold from the setting sun spread outward from behind clouds larger than the Midwest itself. Rain clung to the air. Now it is dark, the moon’s light barely a pale wash on the rim of the horizon, and a damp wind coils and races through the streets, eddying against houses and released again over the fields east of town. It grows colder each hour. The squall that moved over us this afternoon is probably somewhere in western Pennsylvania now, wetting down the forests and cornfields around Pittsburg and worrying the dogs there. By tomorrow morning the wind will be tossing waves out over the Atlantic. But now I get to enjoy it, listening to its soft cycles against my house, walking outside and watching it swish the trees around like brooms. As I stand in the street and watch the neighborhood lean and sway I suddenly feel like I am at the bottom of a great river, feeling the water flow past me, bouncing off houses and bending the dogwoods downstream. This river might be huge, spreading its shores from Maine to Georgia, smoothing its channel here. I am caught in its current.

Happy Birthday, me

Today is my birthday. It is cold and rainy and I have to study all day. It is Tuesday.
Darn.

Anyone care to attend service with me Sunday?

Oh

I just got this email from Ali. Anyone out there who's read Bush Sr.'s memoirs (I know all of you have) care to corroborate this? "In his memoirs, "A World Transformed," written five years ago, George Bush, Sr., wrote the following to explain why he didn't go after Saddam Hussein at the end of the Gulf War: 'Trying to eliminate Saddam...would have incurred incalculable human and political costs. Apprehending him was probably impossible.... We would have been forced to occupy Baghdad and, in effect, rule Iraq.... There was no viable "exit strategy" we could see, violating another of our principles. Furthermore, we had been consciously trying to set a pattern for handling aggression in the post-Cold War world. Going in and occupying Iraq, thus unilaterally exceeding the United Nations' mandate, would have destroyed the precedent of International response to aggression that we hoped to establish. Had we gone the invasion route, the United States could conceivably still be an occupying power in a bitterly hostile land.'"

There will be a lunar eclipse Saturday night. Impress your friends! Impress tribal chieftans in Zaire!

Surely this is a joke.

the pedal v. the metal

Why do people hate bicyclists so much? Is it because we blatantly flaunt our independence from the pollution, death and flab-causing automobile? Or do we just look really dorky wearing those stupid helmets? A few nights ago I was riding my bike home, minding my own business, when this car pulls up beside me and the two guys started cussing at me. What? I ignored them and took my turn, but as I pulled away they yelled something else so, without thinking, I flipped them off over my shoulder. Now New York City this is not, so I should have expected to get a rise out of these goons, and I did. They immediately peeled out and started following me, right on my tail. A minute before I had been a random bicycler, now I was the guy these idiots wanted to beat up. Was it my fancy new mudguard? My all-purpose backpack? I calmly rode home with these guys right behind me, and it wasn't until I pulled into my driveway that they sped off. This is not an isolated incident, either. For years I have had stuff thrown at me, been almost sideswiped and had random things yelled at me, all because I wanted to get some excercise while traveling from point A to point B. I'm used to it now, but articles like this really burn me. Know the feeling?

A question

You are in hell and facing an eternity of torment, but the devil offers you a way out, which you can take once and only once at any time from now on. Today, if you ask him to, the devil will toss a fair coin once and if it comes up heads you are free (but if tails then you face eternal torment with no possibility of reprieve). You don’t have to play today, though, because tomorrow the devil will make the deal slightly more favourable to you (and you know this): he’ll toss the coin twice but just one head will free you. The day after, the offer will improve further: 3 tosses with just one head needed. And so on (4 tosses, 5 tosses, ….1000 tosses …) for the rest of time if needed. So, given that the devil will give you better odds on every day after this one, but that you want to escape from hell some time, when should accept his offer?

Lawyer Friend Makes Strong Case for Nachos

Dog days

I know I'm prone to prattle on about my dog at probably all-too-often intervals, but for the Scout fans out there, this may amuse: She caught a swan. Yes, a big ol' black swan that lives on the pond in the middle of campus who tries to bite anyone who comes near. He had it coming, if you ask me. You see, every day when I get out of class I hop on my bike and take Scout running down the large grass promenade that bisects the campus. This is arguably the high point in her day. After laying in the grass by my bike for 2-3 hours, she is ready to RUN so we tear out across the place, scaring pedestrians and tormenting all the squirrels we see. And every time we get to the pond Scout leaps into the water and swims after the swans, who keep just out of her range and hiss to beat the band. I think she's pretty much convinced she'll never catch them, but lately, when she does finally give up and heads back to shore, the swans have started to chase her, biting at her tail. Absolutely hilarious. She gets freaked and swims even harder for shore, then stands there and barks at them. Whatever it is she's saying to them, I agree.

Well today they were off their guard. Scout comes swooping down the grass only to find the swans were resting on the shore. By the time they realized what was up, she was on top of them and tackled one into the water. I yelled for her to stop but I was laughing too hard to do much good. All you could see was this big spray of water and big black wings flapping, the swan hissing and squawking, Scout somewhere under the water. When she finally emerged, the swan had flown off but Scout had the biggest grin on her face I've ever seen. Aaaah yeahhh.. She climbed up on the shore, shook her fur and just sat, watching the swans with utter satisfaction. Peace, one might say.

I should probably feel bad for letting Scout torment these poor swans, but the way I see it, they're assholes and they need the exercise. I would never let her kill them, but as for the chase, let it be. Mr. Jose Ortego y Gasset, in his book "Meditations on Hunting," put it best:

"The only adequate response to a being obsessed with avoiding capture . . . is to try and catch it."

2:26 p.m.

So there I was, trying to cram a few last-minute bits of legal research information before the exam, when it struck me: Wouldn't I much rather be looking at the first edition of the Canterbury Tales, published (arguably) in 1476 by William Caxton? You bet I would.

Whew

Well, just a couple more hours until my last midterm and things are rather tense in the library. Groups of L1s sit at tables literally covered with a dazzling array of papers, highlighted in at least seven shades of day-glo, buzzing on coffee and collectively freaking out. This is certainly an important test, but a couple of my fellow students seem about to lose it. I saw one girl's outline - she had highlighted almost the whole thing. What's the point? Despite the stress of exams, I've always sort of enjoyed them, the way everyone is in communal commiseration and one constant theme dominates every conversation. You meet more people when everybody's huddled together packing their brains. Anyway, this calls for celebration so there will be a party tonight at my house in Ada after the exam. I'll expect you all at 8:00 sharp for heavy hors d'oeuvres, and we'll sashay over the the Beagle at around ten. Dress is black tie (except for Regan, who gets to wear Birkenstocks). Just one caveat: No law talk. I'll suffer no federal regulation ponderings during the spiced meats and Veuve Clicquot.

Very cool

I missed my calling

Apparently I should have been a contender. A rock, paper, scissors contender, that is.

november 29, baby

Once again, we chastise ourselves for our abuses of the English language. Persnickety or relevant? I never met up with an article on English I didn't like..

Observations concerning my Property midterm exam this morning

- Woke up at 6:45 dreaming of balanced equities and large parcels of unclaimed land, just waiting to be adversely possessed. - Cooked up a bagel while reading over my outline. Could actually feel the knowledge entering my brain, seeing there was no room left, and leaving. - Put my outline away and sat on the front porch, watched mist rise from my lawn through the bright morning light. - Prayed, hopelessly. - Ran inside to consult outline once again, convinced I had done everything wrong. - Realized it was too late and that I would definitely screw this one up. - Rode bike to school in a cold sweat; almost hit car due to freaking out about exam. - Walked into law school, saw classmates cramming, swilling coffee and making vague gestures with their hands. - Sat down at seat, closed my eyes, thought nothing. - Looked at test. - Realized: I know this stuff. - yahoo. - beer.

Mom and Dad are off to India

They'll be gone a while, cavorting among the natives and dining on spicy baba ganouj. Feel free to write them here and wish them luck. Bon Voyage!

huh?

I just got out of a lecture by Allen Farnsworth, one of the authors of my Contracts casebook and a leading light in international contracts law, and I have absolutely no idea what was just said. The way the professors were all nodding and chuckling clued me in that something coherent and possibly enlightening was being described, but I felt like I was a foreign country, surrounded by a language I had no ability to understand. I'm just glad were weren't quizzed on it. I think he did say "unilateral contract" once, and for a brief moment I was back in little 'ol Ada, Ohio, but after that feeling passed I wandered lost for forty minutes across vast fields of nomenclature, gazing at the horizon for some clue as to where the hell I was. Hoo boy. Maybe one day I'll be able to comprehend a tenth of what was said.

Judge Roy Moore, please read this. Thanks. Now be quiet.

Here's a good article celebrating human error, with quotes from leading British personalities. You'd think after all this evolution we'd have ridden ourselves of the biological capacity to make errors.

It's over, the crowds have gone, empty popcorn boxes and pop cans litter the aisles. I think I did OK.

T minus sixteen hours until my Civil Procedure midterm.

Go thou, my incense, upward from this hearth,
And ask the gods to pardon this clear flame.

So there I was last week, sitting in my house at my desk, when this little ladybug goes crawling across my Property homework. I brushed her (him?) away and continued agonizing over adverse possession. No big deal. The next day, while riding my bike to school, I got hit in the face by another ladybug. This is weird, I thought. It wasn't until three days ago, however, that I realized what was happening: Ada is being overrun by ladybugs. I looked down the street as I walked out onto my porch Monday morning and it looked like the plague had descended upon Ohio. Ladybugs everywhere, thousands of them, were cruising around and hanging out on houses, pets, cars, you name it. The side of my house was party central. I've never seen anything like it.
So I did a little research and it turns out they aren't ladybugs, but Multicolored Asian Lady Beetles, or Harmonia axyridis, and they're a big nuisance throughout the state. There's a good article on the phenomenon here (with scary picture of beetle infestation). What's interesting is that they were introduced to the area in the 1980s to control tree aphid populations, and it worked. The only catch is that for a few weeks in the fall, after they've been chowing down on aphid cacciatore all summer, the fat and happy bugs have to find lodgings pronto before hibernation season arrives, so they swarm. As we just had our first frost last week, all the bugs in town are out cruising for rooms. Everyone seems pretty tolerant of the little critters, but but I did hear some guy yesterday say one bit him. I've been considering subleasing the upstairs bedroom to a few thousand ladybug families this winter, but I may have to reconsider if there's a chance they might get hungry and find I taste like aphid.

Bad California, bad! No treat for you.

Some investing advice from mom

- If you had bought $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. - With Enron, you would have $16.50 of the original $1,000.00. - With Worldcom, you would have less than $5.00 left. - However, if you had bought $1,000.00 worth of Miller LITE (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the 10 cent deposit, you would have $214.00.

Don't you hate it when you have too much to drink and you go out and start a community college and you can't even remember it?

and the winner is..

JOHN MAXWELL COETZEE, for the Nobel Prize in Literature: "who in innumerable guises portrays the surprising involvement of the outsider." A little bit about him here, more here.

Top five ways to tell you're not in Alabama anymore

1. Frost on lawn 2. Frost on bicycle 3. Frost on ears and face 4. Frost everywhere 5. It's October 2

good reading

Once again, a great link from metafilter (as many of these links are): US News publishes the results of their poll, "What are the 100 most influential American documents?" Read the list here. Wouldn't this make a cool class?

I love it

Bruce Willis is offering one million dollars to whoever captures Saddam Hussein. Is an autograph included?

This is good.

two questions

87 billion dollars? From where?

nothing's shocking

I know I'm late on the train, but I finally got around to watching Michael Moore's Bowling for Columbine last night, and yes I was floored. Aside from wanting to move to Canada (only about an hour and a half away..), I wanted to throw away my guns. I wanted to join an anti-war protest. Such is the power of a good documentary, and it still resonates within me today. However, I'm undecided as to the answer to Moore's query: Are we a nation of gun nuts or are we just plain nuts? I think his analysis of the symptoms of our violent society are correct: media-driven fear, widespread violent entertainment, hubristic warmongering, etc. Especially fear -- even here in little 'ol Ada people lock their doors and have vicious dogs and can be just as unneighborly as anyone on skid row. Watching the film gave me a profound relief in knowing that I am not afraid, that my optimism, like Moore's, is alive. While I felt the film left out a lot of other factors in examining our lust for violence, I was absolutely taken by Moore himself. What a humble, brave man. My favorite part was watching him shuffle up to Charleton Heston's house and secure an interview over the comlink. And they single-handedly got Kmart to phase out handgun bullets! (I'm going to check on this when I drive into Lima tomorrow) Anyway, if you haven't seen this very controversial film, do yourself a favor. You can see his response to the inevitable criticism at his Web site here.

Anyone else get this email?

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a tatol mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. amzanig huh?

I don't think so. Since these are simple words they are easy to figure out (for a native speaker), but you could actually argue over what certain of them mean. Also, what's actually important in the sentence is the context the word appears in, like "huamn mnid" -- "human mind" is a familar phrase and is easy to figure out based on the traditional pattern. What if we applied the theory to these sentences: "One particular chronological interval, the materfamilias impelled her to convey a dosser, replete with alible pabulum and potations, to her matrilineal predecessor, forasmuch as, through her valetudinarian state, the somatic condition of the aforementioned octogenarian was compromised to the point of her being enervated and impuissant. Ergo, her being was delimited to the supine position. The vinaceous-bedaubed scion acquiesced extempore, and forthwith embarked on her entrustment."? (from "Little Red Riding Hood" at Fairy Tales for the Erudite)

What would God do?

Very cool article about the affect the discovery of extraterrestrial life would have on religious thought. Copernicus shook the foundations, but could E.T. bring down the house?

Sept. 20-27 is Banned Books Week

You haven't read I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings have you? Catcher in the Rye? If you have, shame on you! Everyone knows that those pernicious little books do nothing but spread counterculturalism and heresy. For further information on what books we "should" and "should not" be reading, check out the list. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer? Scandalous.

Ada redux

I took these at Ada's annual Harvest Festival on Saturday. Basically a bunch of people and kids walking up and down Main street buying quilts, eating sno-cones and enjoying the day.
1 2 3 4 5 6
1. Standard sign fare in these parts 2. I love it - a kiddie tractor pull. Get 'em started early! 3. Amish baskets 4. All the bees and yellowjackets were attracted to the wax ornament vendor for some reason.. 5. I don't think the "train ride" met someone's expectations 6. Fireworks from the soil

Supreme Court Gets Free Box Of Shoes After Mentioning Nike In Ruling

WASHINGTON, DC — The nine justices of the U.S. Supreme Court were treated to a free crate of athletic shoes Monday, following an offhand mention of Nike during a ruling in the case of McBrayer & Company v. The City Of Detroit. "All I did was say that the claims made by the defendant were similar to those made by Nike when defending labor conditions in its Asian footwear factories," Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said. "Next thing you know, we get this big box of red Air Zoom Spiridons in the mail. Inside the box was a form letter from Nike's publicist. Sweet!" The Supreme Court will begin its new session Oct. 6, with Case 03-130: Sony High-Definition Widescreen Televisions v. Fossil Sterling Silver Multifunction Watches v. Bombay Sapphire Gin. (as usual, from the Onion)

um

Not sure how I ended up here, but check out this list of Witches, Pagans and Heathens in the Military. What this world needs is a few more wiccan commandos.

RIP

Happy Birthday Regan

You say it's your birthday It's my birthday too--yeah They say it's your birthday We're gonna have a good time I'm glad it's your birthday Happy birthday to you. Yes we're going to a party party Yes we're going to a party party Yes we're going to a party party. I would like you to dance--Birthday Take a cha-cha-cha-chance-Birthday I would like you to dance--Birthday Dance You say it's your birthday Well it's my birthday too--yeah You say it's your birthday We're gonna have a good time I'm glad it's your birthday Happy birthday to you.

Today I mourn

First, because Warren Zevon died Sunday. Requiat in pace, my friend. Second, because my fellow Alabamians rejected the governor's $1.2 billion tax referendum yesterday, which, while not perfect by any means, would have been a decisive step toward improving the state's woeful education system. Siegelman proposed a lottery to pump money into education: we didn't like that. Riley proposes reasonable taxes on property and income to pump money into education: we don't like that either. Just what in the hell do we want the state to do? Now the state school superintendent says state funding for K-12 public schools will have to be reduced by over $100 million. He said he "will recommend no new textbooks, no money for teachers to buy classroom materials, and [is] cutting money for technology, library purchases and teacher training."

Great.

Behold: Ada

1 2 3 4 5
6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18
1. my den (notice forlorn look of kayak) 2. the backyard 3. the upstairs study grotto 4. typical Ada house 5. Main Street under construction 6. my street, looking south 7. my street, looking north 8. view of central campus 9. railroad tracks at edge of town 10. ada tableau 11. the law school 12. campus housing, the pond 13. my house, front 14. a neighbor's house 15. kids 16. Scout's new friend 17. Scout's new friend plays with fire 18. admin building

There was a smart mob in Ohio yesterday.

the blackout from space:

whew

In the present absence of anything to say of lasting cultural value, I submit my schedule yesterday:

6:15 a.m. Woke, showered and went over notes for class (again). Consulted law dictionary 10-12 times. Sweat pellets.

8:30 a.m. Attended Contracts class with Dr. Fenton. Was prepared, but once he started grilling the girl next to me I began radically rethinking the notion of what it means to be prepared for class. Sweat bullets.

9:45 a.m. Left class and headed to library. Checked out “Biography of a Legal Dispute” and began reading.

12:45 p.m. Realized book was on reserve and 15 minutes overdue. Walked to desk, checked book in, checked it out again and walked back to continue reading.

12:49 p.m. Detected hunger.

12:55 p.m. Arrived by bicycle at house, where my landlord was installing vinyl siding in the rain. Declined offer to assist. Found sandwich and ate it.

1:15 p.m. Back in library reading “Biography.”

2:45 p.m. Briefly looked out of window at the thunderclouds.

4:45 p.m. Realized book was overdue again and went to front desk to check it back in and out.

4:55 p.m. Peeled self from chair and attended Legal Research and Writing with Dr. Kohlrieser, who before class started actually gave me a bonus point for pronouncing her name correctly (it’s coal-ree-ser). Realized I have a paper due in less than a week.

6:00 p.m. Found seat in library and began reading “Biography” again.

8:35 p.m. Finished “Biography,” which was now overdue again. Joked with librarian until she let me off the hook for the 55-cent fee.

9:00 p.m. Got home, ate a bowl of soup and began jog with Scout.

9:15 p.m. Thunderstorm begins, drenching us. Lightning becomes general. We pause for safety beneath a large poplar on campus.

10:00 p.m. Get home, dry off and head upstairs to study. Brief six cases for Property and Civil Procedure while listening to Yo Yo Ma’s Appalachian Waltz (thanks Nate).

1:00 a.m. Crawl downstairs and into bed. Bedroom light stays on.

1:01 a.m. Begin dreaming about action of ejectment for lands in the State and District of Illinois, claimed by the plaintiffs under a purchase and conveyance from the Piankeshaw Indians in 1773, and by the defendant, under a land grant from the United States in 1775 …

whoops

My last post was cut short due to the antiquated computer I'm typing on here in the lab. Anyway, because of the lack of home cable internet connections here I won't be able to post any of my pictures of Ada, so be patient. Otherwise, I'm back in the groove, and If you need me I'll be in the library studying.

Thus it begins

I just got out of my first two law classes, Criminal Procedure and Property, and my wits are still about me. A law class ain't no picnic. Unfortunately the bookstore sold out of all the Criminal Procedure textbooks yesterday, so I had to attend the dreaded first day not having read the assignment. Luckily I wasn't called on, but the nature of the discussion was hypothetical anyway; the professor basically strarts with the facts in the case and then expands into any possible scenario. It is a tense environment, but fascinating. It just takes getting used to the intellectual play on the subject. Property I was ready for, but we were discussing a case of Native American land rights and the class veered off into the ethics of imperialism, discovery and conquest. I'm not really sure what I was supposed to get out of the discussion, frankly. I imagine this feeing will persist for some time.

Anyway, I'm all moved in and settled and have made a few friends, most of who are from Ohio. This town is really so small that you cannot avoid getting to know a lot of people - my banker is my landlord's wife, for example - but that's really what makes the town (village, actually) nice. I've heard a bit of grumbling from some of the students who hail from Chicago and Boston, but most seem to like the place. Scout, by the way, loves it. She has free reign in the neighborhood and the many children on the street love her.

Off to Ohio

This is my last post from Birmingham as I officially load all my meager possessions into a U-Haul tomorrow and leave for the Great Midwest town of Ada. My new address is to your left and my updated phone number will be added there soon. Wish me luck. May I see all of you very soon.

It All Depends on What You Mean by 'Have'

By STEVE MARTIN (via New York Times) So if you're asking me did Iraq have weapons of mass destruction, I'm saying, well, it all depends on what you mean by "have." See, I can "have" something without actually having it. I can "have" a cold, but I don't own the cold, nor do I harbor it. Really, when you think about it, the cold has me, or even more precisely, the cold has passed through me. Plus, the word "have" has the complicated letter "v" in it. It seems that so many words with the letter "v" are words that are difficult to use and spell. Like "verisimilitude." And "envelope." Therefore, when you ask me, "Did Iraq have weapons of mass destruction," I frankly don't know what you're talking about. Do you mean currently? Then why did you say "did?" Think about "did." What the heck does that mean? Say it a few times out loud. Sounds silly. I'm beginning to think it's just the media's effort to use a fancy palindrome, rather than ask a pertinent question. And how do I know you're not saying "halve?" "Did Iraq halve weapons of mass destruction?" How should I know? What difference does it make? That's a stupid question. Let me try and clear it up for you. I think what you were trying to say was, "At any time, did anyone in Iraq think about, wish for, dream of, or search the Internet for weapons of mass destruction?" Of course they did have. Come on, Iraq is just one big salt flat and no dictator can look out on his vast desert and not imagine an A-test going on. And let's face it, it really doesn't matter if they had them or not, because they hate us like a lassoed shorthorn heifer hates bovine spongiform encephalopathy. Finally, all this fuss over 16 lousy words. Shoot, "Honey, I'm home," already has three, with an extra one implied, and practically nothing has been said. It would take way more than 16 words to say something that could be considered a gaffe. I don't really take anything people say seriously until they've used at least 20, sometimes 25, words. When I was criticized for my comment, I was reluctant to point out it was only 16 words, and I was glad when someone else took the trouble to count them and point out that I wasn't even in paragraph territory. When people heard it was only 16 words, I'm sure most people threw their head back and laughed. And I never heard one negative comment from any of our coalition forces, and they all speak English, too.

Phun

Good article on Phish's "It" shows in Maine this weekend. Well, there's not a whole lot about the shows but a lot about the logistics and technology that went (and usually go) into the experience. Wish I could've been there. There's also a really good interview with the band on the front page.

This shirt cracks me up. Don't think I'd ever wear one but it would be pretty funny. And very geeky.

Finally, a useful program

NaDa™ does nothing for everybody. NaDa™ will make you feel good. It is as light and as deep as a simple thought. It's like a world with no wars. Download it today.

Weapons of mass destruction found.

You will find the time to rest your mind in luminosity

I have few words to say. It is late and I am in transition, having just returned from seeing the Bellydancing Allstars, a bellydancing troupe currently on tour with Lollapalooza. They were amazing, a crew of gorgeous women from across the globe dancing in what I can only describe as the most provocative way known to man. Not mankind; to man. Actually I'm wrong because three-fourths of the people at the venue were women, and there was plenty of your hooting and hollering as these ladies carved the very air. But let there be no doubt: bellydancing is primal and sensual and sexy, no matter what scholars they quote in the brochure to anchor the dance's roots to art and culture. But it's late and tomorrow I am going to hear a Hindu swami give a prayer session in Huntsville, so I'm trying to be objective. My goal this week is to subject myself to as much nontraditional cultural influence as possible and see what I think about it all.
As Ryan put it, "All you need to do is go to a mosque on Wednesday and a synagogue on Thursday and you'll have all your bases covered." I might do that. I'll report as the experiences expand.

glory day

Is your soul filled with the spirit? Can you feel the light of Jesus just a-pourin’ all over you? I just want to know one thing – is there a hallelujah in the house? These were the first words I heard yesterday when I walked into the church. They were immediately greeted by a tumultuous rush of voices from the all-black congregation, standing and waving their arms to the rising beat of the drums and piano. Hallelujah! one lady near me shouted, smiling and her eyes shut tight.

I hesitated in the door, feeling all of a sudden very, very white. But the beat continued to rise and the man on the piano had nimble fingers. Then a kind woman was handing me a program and inviting me inside, telling me to sit anywhere. Within a few minutes I was clapping and swaying my body to the sweet sound of two hundred fervent voices lifted in serious praise.

This is not how I usually spend my Sundays. For the most part I would rather be outdoors than in any church, but my friend Ashley Hulsey had invited me to the service as she was singing in it. She’s a member of the University of Alabama at Birmingham Gospel Choir and this was their last recital. She confided beforehand that she was nervous, as her director only taught them half of each song and she supposed he expected “the holy spirit” to teach them the rest. Due to my epsicopalian background, I naively assumed they would just be singing a few numbers between the sermon and the reading of the psalms.

Um, no. This was the New Hope Baptist Church Music Ministry and the entire service was in song. Loud, joyous song. The choir director, dressed in a black suit with sparkly lavender stripes, worked the crowd like James Brown in The Blues Brothers, punctuating each verse or spontaneous meditation on the love of Jesus with an earnest Can I get a witness? to which the room shouted back Amen! passionately. It was an amazing display of joy and praise. Being one of three white people in the room (Ashley and her mother were the others) I was just concentrating on staying on beat at first, but the music was so good, and everybody was loving it so much that before long I was immersed. And when the preacher told us to embrace six people around us and thank them for helping us survive I grabbed the big black lady in front of me and we hugged like best friends. The songs were long and flowed into one another, segued only by moments of quiet piano and the preacher praying softly. Then another song would emerge and soon we were all back on our feet clapping and shouting to beat the band. During the climax of “Take me Jesus” a woman in the front row went into a fit, her body rigid and shaking and people gathered around supporting her, praying for her sprit. We sang until everybody was exhausted.

It was the darndest thing I’ve seen in years. I don’t know if I’ll go back anytime soon, but I probably should. Sometimes it doesn’t matter what you praise as long as you do it with sound and passion.

This is a kayak?

I'm nor sure if you take this down the river or use it against enemy soldiers.

now the spam is pissing me off

Until now I have suffered with much patience the daily onslaught of ads, both decent and naughty, in my hotmail inbox. After all, what can I expect from a free service? But my kindhearted forbearance is no longer enough for the spammers. In their perseverance to ensure, among other things, that I have a healthy supply of viagra to complement my newly enhanced manhood, they have begun employing a downright underhanded tactic to get my money. These unscrupulous jerks have figured out I have a cable modem, and from time to time (three an hour?) send me a wholly unsolicited textad that "pops" up on my computer. No matter what I have running, the ad appears and must be clicked on to disappear. I usually ignore the subject of the ads, but one caught my attention this morning, as it popped up probably ten times. These guys sell software that purports to kill the popups, but can you guess how they advertise? With popups! Lots of them! This reminds me of the Far Side cartoon where a guy is reading a note tied to a rock that has just been thrown through his front window: "For window repair, call Al's Glass." Surely this cannot be legal. Do others have this problem, even on computers without cable connections?

mayhem and fish guts

We seem to have survived this weekend's fishing extravaganza, though I know several king mackerel who came off badly (Jim couldn't wait to sink his chops into this one, apparently). I'll post the particulars when I'm done with the fillets.

50 Words and Phrases Not to Use on a First Date

Conjecture Restraining order Piglet How-do Time served Hair remover Offal Splendiferous Dahmer-esque Blogosphere Dangling chads Pittance Fanny Hernia Pants-worthy Tits De-Nazification Government cheese Posthaste Pre-moistened Hat Franco-German Babs (Does not apply to first dates with women named 'Babs') Redi-Wip (Does not apply to first dates with women named 'Redi-Wip') Walking pneumonia Barnaby Jones Clean needles Futon Sixpence Tomfoolery Paul Krugman Third base Dutch Simulacrum Fanfare Oozing Pustule Oozing pustule Nighty-night Détente Credit rating Boy-Ar-Dee Ineffectual Three-way Na-na-na-na-nineteen-nineteen Bifurcated Eggzactly Schlitz Mendacity I'll call you tomorrow (via VodkaPundit)

cool site

"Symbols.com contains more than 2,500 Western signs, arranged into 54 groups according to their graphic characteristics. In 1,600 articles their histories, uses, and meanings are thoroughly discussed. The signs range from ideograms carved in mammoth teeth by Cro-Magnon men, to hobo signs and subway graffiti."

This fellow is a trip

Literally. While eating pizza with Dave the other night I ran across this article in Relix magazine on an artist who is truly out there. He's obviously heavy into drugs and tends to wax new-age at times, but his art is astounding.

   The energies of consciousness that surround us, radiate from us and flow through us are like complex oceans of subtle light. My visions of the energies are similar to sunlight sparkling and undulating in weblike strings across the surface of water, or like whorls of smoke through the air pierced with bio-electromagnetic lines of force connecting people.
Whatever it is, I like it. His web site is interesting, especially the part about the Chapel of the Sacred Mirrors he is working on to display his work. Heavy stuff indeed.

Etc. etc.

For you cat lovers. Do these people have jobs?

great site

Check out Word Spy for a great collection of newly-coined words. According to the site, "These aren't 'stunt words' or 'sniglets,' but new words and phrases that have appeared in newspapers, magazines, books, press releases, and Web sites." My favorite so far is donorcycle.

Absolute cleanliness is godliness!

Remember Dr. Bronner's Pure Castile Soap/Shampoo? We used to buy this stuff to take camping because it is biodegradable and can be used for anything, from washing dishes to brushing your teeth. Also, after sitting around the campfire for a while, we got a big kick out of reading the bizarre label, which is a cross between an ad on speed and the book of Ecclesiastes. Read it here.

by the way

Oh yeah -- After over twenty hours of driving, I have two new favorite albums: Short Trip Home, by Edgar Meyer and others, and Dance Lesson #2, by Karl Denson. Anyone who listens to music who doesn't own these is living a woeful and tragic life.

Off the road

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1. Scout peruses the campus for squirrels. 2. Veteran memorial in town near Ada. 3. Corner on Main Street, downtown Ada. 4. This is Ohio 5. On the way into Ada. 6. Corn. Lots of it. 7. More crops. 8. Ada is brimming over with history. 9. Sunset, Indian Lake. 10. What?! (Also note misspelling) 11. Random bridge shot, Cincinatti. Mission accomplished. I made it as far as suburban Cleveland Sunday night (or early Monday morning) before I had to pull over and sleep, but I was up a few hours later and rolling through the cornfields into Ada, Ohio by noon. Rolling through the cornfields? you may be asking yourself, wondering if your author may be engaging in a little terminological inexactitude for effect. That would not be the case. Ada is in the middle of nowhere. The pictures do not lie.
   I almost drove right through the village, when I realized the stoplight I was sitting at was on Main Street. Ada is literally a collection of houses gathered around a crossroads in the middle of a huge expanse of farmland, population 3,000 max. Without students. Once school is in, my law school tour guide told me, the town's population doubles. Aside from a few fast food joints and a pizza place, a Mexican bar/restaurant and a Chinese place, there are no restaurants. Aside from a mom-and-pop grocery with few goods and all of them overpriced, the nearest Kroger is in Lima, fifteen minutes away. There is one movie theatre, showing one movie. A train track goes through the center of town. From most any point on any street you can actually see the crops growing at the edge of town. We're talking seriously rural.
   However, the town does have a sort of classic American midwest small-town charm. Everyone waves at each other as they drive around. Kids on bikes populate the sidewalks and streets. All the houses are old, wooden, and nice. Plus, I reminded myself often, I won't be here for the culture. So I called up and met with one landlord, a quirky fellow who had been described to me as the "slumlord" of Ada. And his apartments were exactly that. After a very brief tour through his properties I headed over to the law school and got a tour, met a couple of professors and chatted with the secretaries. Small, but nice. I'm really hoping to do well my first year and transfer, but if that doesn't happen it won't be all bad. Tha campus is nice, with huge sprawling lawns separating everything and punctuated frequently by small ponds. Scout was in squirrel heaven.
   It was drawing late by this point and my other landlords hadn't called me back, so I decided to go set up camp for the evening on Indian Lake a few miles to the south of Ada. Again, a nice drive through literally miles of unbroken croplands. Well I arrived at the large lake to find it surrounded by homes, with only a small beach for swimming. (See photo - "flotation devices prohibited" ? Why in hell would you prohibit flotation devices at a public beach!?) The official campsites were all expensive and I discovered after only a few minutes parked beside the water that the mosquitos were taking over Ohio with a deep vengeance. The sunset was nice, and Scout and I took a dip to cool off before heading back to Ada to camp in the truck again. I wanted to be up early to see as many houses in the morning as possible. As I drove through the dark fields the full moon rose like it was on fire, huge and blood-red, slowly cooling off and paling into the sky. It got so bright I drove for a while without lights, hurtling through a blue landscape.
   Next morning I got lucky. As soon as I woke one Mr. Music called and said to come on over to the house he was working on, just a few hundred yards away. A nice fellow, he'd been living in Ada for twenty years and had property all over the place. He showed me around a couple of houses and I told him I'd take the first place he showed me, a nice two-story, two bedroom house with a huge backyard. Most everything else had been rented, but the girls who had been in this one had up and left, leaving behind a lot of furniture. Score. I signed the lease on the spot and headed back out of town.
   Ada is no cultural mecca, but it is interesting. I'll have to trade my mountain bike for a road bike, but I've been wanting to do that for a year now. There's no kayaking water to speak of either, but I'll be studying anyhow. Onward and upward.