I want to go here so bad..

Submit your resume online

Are you a serious reader?

Another good one: Two guys were taking Chemistry at UNC. They were doing well in the class and thought that going into the final they had a solid "A". They were so confident that the weekend before finals week, they went to MSU to party with some friends. They had a great time. However, with hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Chapel Hill until early Monday morning, the day of the exam. Rather than taking the final then, they found their professor after the final to explain to him why they missed the final. They told him that they went up to the MSU for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back, and didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time, so they were late in getting back to campus. The professor told them they could make up the final on the following day. They were elated and relieved. At the final, the professor placed them in separate rooms, handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin. The first problem, worth 5 Points, was something simple about Molarity & Solutions. "Cool," they thought. "This is going to be easy." The next problem was worth 95 Points. It asked: "Which tire?"

Well, I heard a good one: What do they call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses

What the hell is this? (via fark.com)

This'll get your hearts racing, ladies. Modern Drunkard magazine "tracked down and cracked a forty" with five of the nation’s hottest single winos in America. My favorite is Shakey McShakerson, occupation: Aroma Distributor.

Sometimes sorry isn't always enough in politics. Isn't it interesting that politicians always try and apologize and never just step down? That is, when their apologies are real, instead of in passive voice, i.e. "Mistakes were made." Trent Lott is a classic example, going down while blaming his "enemies," when he should be addressing his actual remarks. Sure he's got enemies. Anyone in a position of power in this world does. But that doesn't mean that advocating segregationalist policies is any more correct.

I'm heading to Key West in two days

Anyone need a 3-dimensional 180 computer monitor? Plastic.com will still suck, I'm afraid, but mahjongg will become your world..

I keep meaning to go to this site, but I just can't seem to get around to doing it. Why go there today when you can just go some other time?

Iraq and the Arabs' Future , by Fouad Ajami.
The driving motivation behind a new U.S. endeavor in Iraq should be modernizing the Arab world. Most Arabs will see such an expedition as an imperial reach into their world. But in this case a reforming foreign power's guidelines offer a better way than the region's age-old prohibitions, defects, and phobias. No apologies ought to be made for America's "unilateralism."
Oh?

Footnotes to History is a compilation of nations you didn't learn about in school geography. (via metafilter)

Once again, Phish is on top of the live recording scene. Here you can download their upcoming new years shows for a fee. Each show even comes with a printable booklet and labels so you can make your own pofessional-quality cd. Not bad, not bad. I hope the shows are as good as evryone seems to assume they will be.

This comet will be visible to the naked eye on New Year's Day. That is, if you recover sufficiently..

Yo yo, dese homies be rappin' straight outta Hobbiton.

Creative writing programs are flourishing. Why aren't there more good books out there?

The mullet is back. Business in the front, party in the back..

Waaaaaaaaah Zuuuuuuuuup. Trent Lott's Kwanzaa Message to the Nation

Tompaine.com is offering $10,000 for whoever discloses the Tim Lilly Bandit:
In November, as Congress finalized the legislation authorizing a new Department of Homeland Security, two paragraphs suddenly appeared in the bill giving drug maker Eli Lilly & Company something it desired: a shield from lawsuits by parents who claim the company's vaccines caused their children's autism. The provision diverts those suits from state courts to a federal 'vaccine court' where damages are capped at $250,000 - small compensation for a child's lifetime of medical care. And because any damages awarded by the vaccine court are paid by U.S. taxpayers, manufacturers are relieved of liability. ... Who inserted the provision? Reporters tried and failed to find out. Lilly's lobbyists (laughably) claim ignorance. No one on Capitol Hill is proud enough of his handiwork to claim it. Democracy requires accountability, so TomPaine.com is offering a $10,000 reward to the first person who proves the identity of the Eli Lilly Bandit - the member of Congress responsible for inserting the company's special provision.

Good news, everybody. Jane's Addiction has a new album coming out, Hypersonic. World tour to follow. Who's going on tour with me?

Another one from the Bizarre Christian Toy Collection: A Jesus doll that "walks on water" (via Fark)

If you work in the restaurant biz, here are some tips on how to get more tips. On a side note: ever wonder how tipping got started? According to Webster's Dictionary, the word "tip" is considered by many to be an acronym: T.I.P. - "To Insure Promptness" or "To Insure Prompt" service.

What would you do if a judge in your matrimonial suit issued the following ruling: A groom must expect matrimonial pandemonium When his spouse finds he's given her cubic zirconium. Given their history and Pygmalion relation I find her reliance was with justification. This judge seems to have found his muse. (via fark)

Hopefully you've never been scammed on eBay. This guy was. However, he found the crook. (via metafilter)

Having just finished it, I'm inclined to agree with the folks who decided Don Quixote -- best book ever.

Oh lord, it's the 12 days of Kitschmas. Get your Jesus bobblehead..

Have you bought a CD in, say, the past five years? Well, you are a member of the settlement group in the CD Minimum Advertised Price Settlement. Get your $5-20 back today. (via metafilter)

Critical Flaws: One Washington Post writer has identified ten ways in which we lapse into cultural criticism these days. For example, do you ever feel guilty for being so concerned with the events in your life when there are people starving in Africa? Well whose moral priorities have you inherited? And why? (via metafilter)

Were Trent Lott's statements at Strom's birthday a glimpse of a neo-confederate movement? Interesting article on this group, who believe Lincoln used the Civil War to extend federal power beyond constitutional limits and since then has ended states' rights.

The redneck cat carrier:

How to get fired, via opticalpoptitude

Thinking about Engrish got me tickled, so I went and found this Eric Crapton album.

Well, I ran across this one again. How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way? The book is probably hilarious, as good an example of Engrish as any I've seen. But the funniest is the reader comments!

Via Metafilter, bartering exists! At Trodo, you post stuff and when people ask for it, you ship it to them. You get credits for this, no money. You can then use your credits to get someone else's stuff.

Damn. Stereolab guitarist Mary Hansen was killed in a cycling accident earlier this week. Hansen was a core member of Stereolab, playing guitars and providing vocals for the last decade. She was 36.

From New York Times article: North Korea recently disclosed that it has a program to make nuclear weapons from highly enriched uranium, in violation of its international agreements, but the United States has taken pains to defuse any sense that it is planning an immediate confrontation over the issue. That policy is in contrast to the administration's approach with Iraq, where the Bush administration has threatened military action to disarm President Saddam Hussein if he does not voluntarily dispose of any weapons of mass destruction. How true. Why aren't we relentlessly inspecting North Korea's nuclear facilities as well? Is it because there isn't a history of terrorism in southest Asia?

Lost in Translation is a fun site of much. It takes a phrase of your choice and runs it through BabelFish in several languages, then back into English. I typed in "I sure do wish someone would buy me the entire state of California for Christmas." and got back "Certain desire would buy to which it loaded the complete state of California for them." Huh?

"Erewhile there existed a jejune hoyden, who had secured the veneration of all, even those who had espied her for merely a singular discrete trice. Her consanguinities comprehended, among others, an enate predecessor, possessing the prosaic appellation of grandmother, and via the largess of this clement crone, she procured a Lilliputian capote, with a most vermilion capuche, whence her winsome sobriquet, "Little Red Riding Hood", was so engendered." Recognize this? It's Little Red Riding Hood, as told by Fairly Tales for the Erudite.

Cool site from my old blog, again. This dialect survey uses a series of questions, including rhyming word pairs and vocabulary words, to explore words and sounds in the English language. Their goal is to create dialect maps that chart speech patterns. Take the survey!

This site takes you on journeys from the microcosm to the macrocosm, from within a proton to the outer reaches of the universe. Requires Java Virtual Machine.

This site takes you on journeys from the microcosm to the macrocosm, from within a proton to the outer reaches of the universe. Requires Java Virtual Machine.

Alabama Highest Named Summits. Get your oxygen tanks ready, we're summitting.

another post from my old blog: Post-Modern Condition Upgraded To Pre-Apocalyptic CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA--The postmodern condition of alienated, disjointed late-20th-century humanity was officially upgraded to pre-apocalyptic Monday, when new findings from leading postmodernist theorist Richard Rorty were published in the new issue of Semiotexte. ''I was flipping through the cable channels the other night, trying to get an abstract sense of the way emergent processes of change and transformation generated by contemporary high-tech society are challenging cultural assumptions regarding diverse aesthetic forms to create a novel state of history,'' Rorty said, ''when, all of a sudden, I realized that everything I was looking at was the biggest load of unimaginably horrific crap ever.'' At this point in the socio-cultural discourse, Rorty said, the key question is no longer whether or not social fragmentation, cultural meta-juxtaposition and socioeconomic problematics require new modes of experience and interpretation, but rather, ''When will the seven-headed dragon of the End Times descend upon us all in unholy fury?''

I've posted these before, but on another site: -- When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl. -- May your life be like toilet paper... Long and useful. -- Writing about music is like dancing about architecture -- Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again -- When the candles are out all women are fair. Plutarch (46 AD - 120 AD), Morals -- Slogan of 105.9, the classic rock radio station in Chicago: "Of all the radio stations in Chicago ... we're one of them." -- A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. -- A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water -- Always remember, three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population -- If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for two weeks -- There are only three kinds of people; people who can count and people who can't

"I believe that today more than ever a book should be sought after even if it has only one great page in it: we must search for fragments, splinters, toenails, anything that has ore in it, anything that is capable of resuscitating the body and soul. It may be that we are doomed, that there is no hope for us, any of us, but if that is so then let us set up a last agonizing, bloodcurdling howl, a screech of defiance, a war whoop! Away with lamentation! Away with elegies and dirges! Away with biographies and histories, and libraries and museums! Let the dead eat the dead. Let us living ones dance about the rim of the crater, a last expiring dance. But a dance!" - Henry Miller (1934)

Oh My God, I Am So Totally Not A Fully Developed Person

This is crazy. Artist creates exact replica of himself, and audiences cannot tell which one is real.

For you bloggers, try the Blogger archive script generator.

The intrepid kayaker on a date:

This is just about the coolest kayak I've seen come along. It has detachable ends that allows you to change your boat from a super short looper to a longer slicemachine. I wonder how she handles, though. I smell innovation on the air..

Dave Barry was the first to discover the incredible phenomenon of Strawberry Pop-Tart Blow-Torches, but these guys put Dave's theory to the test. Pretty funny.

I know the abortion arguments are hackneyed and stale, but this article on WorldNetDaily really got me thinking ('oh crap, run! He's been thinking again!'). It reports that "Georgia legislators will introduce a bill early next month that refers to abortion as an ''execution'' and will require any mother seeking an abortion to go to court to obtain a death warrant." ''A mother would have to argue why the child should die and why her rights would take priority over the rights of the child,'' said Rep. Bobby Franklin, R-Marietta, who sponsored the legislation. Can we say bully legislation? While a woman should have valid reasons for having an abortion, this bill sounds like another attempt to outlaw it, by presupposing the act is morally wrong but then letting women try and justify why they want to do a "wrong" thing. What judge would allow anyone to perform an "execution"? None who want their jobs come election year. Excuse me, but this isn't how the law should work. These legislators can't get a bill outlawing abortion passed, so they finegle the wording of another law to make getting an abortion inconvenient. Also, what sort of reasons would be considered good or valid for allowing an abortion under this law? If a 17-year-old girl gets pregnant and can't afford the baby, what if a judge thinks she can? What kind of life would that child have? Yes, I am pro-choice and no, abortions are terrible and we should avoid them at all costs. But bully-pulpit bills like these irritate me, because they are designed to harass rather than instruct.

We all need a Portable Stripper Pole in our house don't we? As ridiculous as this is, it will probably sell like a champ.

Why the Middle East is in such deep crap:

  I'm writing a story about Eric Harshbarger, the lego artist who lives in Auburn, and his works got me thinking about Alice in Wonderland, which I haven't read in years (Eric's really into Alice). But I do remember my favorite part, which still cracks me up: "What I was going to say," said the Dodo in an offended tone, "was, that the best thing to get us dry would be a Caucus-race." "What is a Caucus-race?" said Alice; not that she wanted much to know, but the Dodo had paused as if it thought that somebody ought to speak, and no one else seemed inclined to say anything. "Why," said the Dodo, "the best way to explain it is to do it." (And, as you might like to try the thing yourself, some winter day, I will tell you how the Dodo managed it.) First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, ("the exact shape doesn't matter," it said,) and then all the party were placed along the course, here and there. There was no "One, two, three, and away," but they began running when they liked, and left off when they liked, so that it was not easy to know when the race was over. However, when they had been running half an hour or so, and were quite dry again, the Dodo suddenly called out "The race is over!" and they all crowded round it, panting, and asking, "But who has won?" This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of thought, and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon its forehead (the position in which you usually see Shakespeare, in the pictures of him), while the rest waited in silence. At last the Dodo said, "Everybody has won, and all must have prizes."

Oh I wish I was in the Smokies..

Check out this article on "acoustic fridges," refrigerators that cool using extremely loud sounds. The fridges would use sound so loud that if a human were exposed to it his hair would catch on fire. Why not just put The Who in some of these things?

UFOs in 15th century paintings? Odd article here.

STUDS

The Jive Server, once again, rocks. I have no brainstorm y, but dis one random memory from mah yout' sprang into mah thinka' yesterday an' left me fallin' out. I tried t' trace da damn trail o' thoughts dat led me t' da damn memory, but I wuz joggin' at da damn time, mah mind scramblin' all ova' da damn place random-like. Anyway, I remembered how in art class in fift' o' sixt' grade we cut potatoes in half an' carved letta's into them likes stencils. It wuz right b4 Christmas, an' da damn brainstorm wuz t' do lots o' aisy, stenciled potato Christmas cards wit' tiny-ass decorashuns all ova' them. Well, dis one kid Alec wuz doin' some card dat wuz supposed t' say N-O-E-fuckin'-L, but becuz he gots confused o' wuz dyslexic, wassups card came out sayin' L-E-O-fuckin'-N. Dis wouldn’t have been funny, 'escept dat we went down t' have some maintenance dude named Leon who worked at our school. While we wuz all fallin' out at Alec at wassups blunda', our learna' piped down an' suggested we give da damn card da damn Leon. We loved it. So's afta' class Alec carried da damn card t' gym class, where we know'd we would find Leon doin' laundry o' sump'n. I will neva' forget Leon’s face – he wuz 24/7 some tru-ly supa' fine guy who enjoyed da damn kids – when Alec went down an' gave him da card. Now dat I think back on it, it wuz shea' tact dat kept Alec from tellin' Leon how da card came about; I rememba' he gave it t' Leon as if we had made it 4 him, an' he loved it. I rememba' him fallin' out so's rock. Alec definite-like made wassups week. Afta' dat, Leon wuz 24/7 particular-like friend-like toward Alec an' da damn group o' us dat wuz present when we gave him da card, callin' out t'us in da hallways o' smilin' at us when he pushed wassups trash kin an' clainin' supplies past our classroom. It’s fun t' think dat afta' he left – we came back from summa' vacashun an' wuz bummed t' find out he had gotten anotha' 9-to-5 – he still had dat card, some reminda' o' how some bunch o' pale kids he would have neva' come into contact wit' otherwise, liked him. I guess I find dat hopeful. I bet he’s still gots da card.

Whew - Landover Baptist is at it again, raking Tolkein's The Two Towers over the Christian coals and brimstone. Warning: This site parodies Christian excesses and is not to be taken seriously, or there will be a stoning. The very title of the film, The Two Towers, should raise suspicion among True Christians®. Secular humanists and Atheists always chide us for seeing sex where their foolish, ignorant minds cannot. But alas, it is there, raising its malignant form as usual. It's Satan's way of being childish, and it's our job to call him on it. This time around, you don't have to be a Bible Scholar or a Creation Scientist to see that The Two Towers are giant structures built to glorify and honor the aroused genitalia of two of the most powerful evil beings in the movie.

This is rather interesting. Scientists have found a way to store information inside a molecule, though it doesn't stay there very long. I'm not sure why we would ever need to keep pictures inside molecules, or how we would ever use something like this in our everyday lives. A Molecular Briefcase perhaps? A 9.6 bazillion-gigabyte hard drive the size of your pinkie toe? The only drawback to technology that gets smaller and smaller is the lack of memory upgrades in our brains to allow us to use these things without losing them in the sofa cusions.

WOO HOOO Let the adventure begin. Nate and Jill have set out for distant destinations, traveling across the globe to Fiji, where they will stay for a few days before heading to Australia and New Zealand. You can go to to their Web site, Nate and Jill's Travel Page, and trace their journeys across the backside of the world. Wish them luck! Wish them health! Wish you had the money and time to blow on a four-month vacation!

I love it Nation’s only unionized peep show workers picket San Francisco club, demand better pay By MICHELLE R. SMITH Associated Press SAN FRANCISCO — Workers at the nation’s only unionized peep show walked the picket line, arguing that a contract offer by management at the Lusty Lady is too skimpy. Wearing pink T-shirts that read “Bad girls like good contracts,” dancers banged on pots Monday and chanted, “Two, four, six, eight, pay me more to gyrate!” “We want respect,” said Vivian, 27, who has worked at the Lusty Lady, in the city’s touristy North Beach district, for a year and a half. The dancers are complaining the club’s latest contract offer cuts hourly wages and eliminates their one day of sick pay. Sick pay was one of the victories the union won when workers approved their first contract with management in 1997, a year after unionizing. The Exotic Dancers Union, a chapter of the Service Employees International Union, Local 790, wants management to restore $3 an hour in pay cuts made during the past 20 months, back to a top scale of $27 an hour. The club said the cuts were “revenue-based,” but dancers say management has failed to justify the cuts financially by opening the club’s books. The union also wants the club to institute a hiring cap so there are enough shifts to go around, and to change the way schedules are made. A man who answered the phone at the Lusty Lady refused comment. “We are grossly undercompensated,” said Pepper, 31, a dancer and union shop steward. Though she’s worked at the Lusty Lady for four and a half years, Pepper said she’s only able to get about 12 hours a week of work at the club, less than the 20 hours she’d like. “It’s not enough to survive on,” she said. The club uses its unionized status as a selling point, boasting on its answering machine that it is “San Francisco’s only peep show where you can be sure the dancers will be beautiful, smart and unionized.” “They use the union to promote the club, yet they don’t support it,” said Vivian. “It feels like exploitation.”

Yesterday I covered and wrote a story on a symposium over at UAB on plant and animal genomes which was technically way over my head, it being a discussion for scientists and researchers deep in their fields, but later as I was writing the story and calling other professors to talk about genetics Luke and I started up a discussion over the ethics of cloning. To tell the truth, I’m really not sure how I feel about it, but that’s mainly because I know so little about what actual research is being done. Something in my gut tells me that tampering with our gene code is not as much wrong as it is dangerous. To use the cliched Pandora’s Box metaphor, genetic manipulation would change the rules in the game of survival, opening up huge possibilities for human characteristics and behavior that would be subject only to our imagination and whimsy. Want a child super-smart? No problem. Want one immune to diseases and stronger than a bodybuilder? Done. I realize that these possibilities are distant or most likely impossible, but you never know. So was flying at one point. I suppose the worst part is that the miracle (and I use that word in its strictest sense) of nature could be reduced to a series of choices we would make before a child is born. The idea of going into a doctor’s office and choosing what characteristics my baby will have seems as disappointing as it does abhorrent. But the other half of me knows that as mysterious and incredible as the natural human body is, it still works in patterns that are painful, destructive and avoidable. Being natural is great, but cancer still sucks. If we can use genetic research to reduce pain and suffering, I’m all for it. I say let’s put mother nature under the knife and see what happens. This does not mean we should indiscriminately exploit the genetic the possibilities of the human body, but reduce certain factors that limit our human potential. I have faith in the human ethical component to decide, after time, what medical uses genetic research should and should not allow, and that the final result will by and large be beneficial. For now our technology and understanding are too rudimentary to really pose much of a threat to the integrity of our DNA, but that time is not far off. Right now three women are carrying cloned fetuses that will be born in January, and the world will watch and see whether we can stomach what we’ve created. We are in uncharted waters indeed. And like on the maps of old, here there be dragons.

Spank George Bush

I wish my computer gave me this error message every time it screwed up..

This is crazy. If we are to believe swashbuckle, he had a midlife crisis/panic attack and turned his criminal brother in for 40,000 and is now taking a "big adventure." It will be interesting to see what happens. Or doesn't.

We all need a virtual dancer on our desktop, don't we? DON'T WE.

Oh I need some sleep. Can someone lend me a little? I'll give it right back.

Get your astronomy picture of the day.

Get your Astronomy picture of the day. As Dylan Thomas said, suffer the first vision that set fire to the stars.

Snap your virtual bubble wrap.

God bless This Modern World. And God bless Tom the Dancing Bug.

I believe in this prophecy of Rimbaud, the Visionary. I come from a dark region, from a land separated from all others by the steep contours of its geography. I was the most forlorn of poets and my poetry was provincial, oppressed and rainy. But always I had put my trust in man. I never lost hope. It is perhaps because of this that I have reached as far as I now have with my poetry and also with my banner. If you are a fan of Pablo Neruda's poetry, as you should be, you will want to read his Nobel Lecture, delivered December 13, 1971. It is long but it is beautiful.

Informative article about relativity and quantum theory in this Scientific American article. Physicist Fotini Markopoulou Kalamara may have found a way to connect the two theories. The goal being to explain the nature of space and time. Science is so much bolder than faith, sometimes.

I'm sure all of you need a reference source for your Grateful Dead setlists, from 1972-1995. When I was getting into the Dead in high school I wondered at the incredible detail deadheads went into to record each and every note of each and every show. Then I finally went to a few shows myself and quickly realized why recording the music and events became so important. 'Cause if you remembered it, you weren't there.

Inversions are words drawn so they read the same backward as they do forward. (once again, metafilter)

Like snowflakes? Check out this interesting site on Wilson Bentley, The Snowflake Man. "Under the microscope, I found that snowflakes were miracles of beauty; and it seemed a shame that this beauty should not be seen and appreciated by others. Every crystal was a masterpiece of design and no one design was ever repeated., When a snowflake melted, that design was forever lost. Just that much beauty was gone, without leaving any record behind."

Apparently black and Latino males have been "showing up in droves" with symptoms of what popsychologists are calling "post-traumatic slavery disorder," where they claim to have been traumatized by things that happened to their ancestors. This left me stuttering with disbelief, until I read this piece, which alerted me to the fact that I have "Post-traumatic birth disorder," which has symptoms that include life and everything in it. Just my luck to come down with such a debilitating ailment, and one that just won't go away! Luckily Thanksgiving is coming up in a couple of days; it'll be a good time to sunpoena my parents and relatives. Another article here. (via metafilter)

The BOXPLORER takes any website you choose and interprets it a colorful series of boxes, much like a Mondrian painting. No content, no controversy. (via metafilter)

Anyone want to move to Charlotte, the possible new Whitewater capital of the east coast?

Thou puking shag-eared minimus! Thou haughty eye-offending haggard! Thou wenching ill-composed whey-face! Thou cockered eye-offending bum-bailey!
Feeling like issuing forth an Elizabethan insult unto the heat-oppressed brow of your friends? The curse generator will aid you in your endeavor, you surly shrill-gorged remnant.

Well, we've all heard the word antidisestablishmentarianism used in a sentence, but what about pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, a miners' lung disease caused by inhaling silica? The Straight Dope has taken a peek into the small world of extremely large words, including one that is 1,913 letters long. Enrich your vocabulary, baffle your colleagues and friends.

Well, the EPA has done it again. On Friday they adopted a series of changes that challenge the legitimacy of the Clean Air Act, by easing restrictions on companies that continue to use old-as-hell equipment that was grandfathered in under older environmental standards. The new rules let facilities continue to use and repair old equipment without being subject to newer regulations. In other words, as long as the companies can justify that their facilities haven't "been upgraded," they can continue to pollute at older, greater levels. How does this provide a company incentive to clean up its act? It doesn't. Boston Globe has full story here.

Well, Debbie earned the title of Badass Angler this weekend, while I, on the other hand, earned only the lowly nickname Smells like Cow Patty.
We went down to Letohatchee Friday night after attending my cousin Henry Haskell’s wedding. The wedding went off without (or rather, with) a hitch, except that afterwards I walked up to Henry and accidentally called him Sam as I was congratulating him. My own cousin, and I call him by his brother’s name. Sheesh. I was immediately embarrassed of course, but my embarassment subsided once he corrected me and then... seemed... to... have... well, forgotten my name as well. I don’t see Henry a lot so it's not very surprising, plus the man had just gotten married, for chrissakes. He’s too worried about his future to be bothered with petty details from the past.
Anyway, so we forewent the reception in favor of heading out to the country side, which we did under a 3/4 moon and a clear, cloudless night sky. We got to the farm around 11:00 and drove down the dirt road past dozens of cows staring at us, not sure whether they should run away, attack us or stand there and stare dumbly into our lights. Luckily, they chose the latter. As I got out of the car to open up the gate I could hear cows bellowing in chorus out across the fields. I think they were all mating.
Anyway, the cows kept up their amorous trumpeting throughout the evening while we cooked up dinner and built a roaring fire in the fireplace. Being a clear night, it was cold, the stars like cold pinpoints of in the dark waters of the sky. The moon lit the ground like blue sunshine, bright enough to read by. A wonderful night.
So we got up the next morning and cooked breakfast, cleaned house, and loaded up the four-wheeler to do some fishing. We drove around the other side of the pond so we could set up shop on the dam, at which point the pond is very deep and tends to house large fish. Willows used to grow there, and the catfish would pool in the cool water beneath their branches. The beavers took those trees away years ago, though. The fish are still there, just deeper.
We went through probably eight cattle gates and finally got to the fishing spot, and Debbie started tossing out her “green worm with sparklies” while I went and chatted with my cousin-in-law, who was fishing on the dock. As I came back, Debbie started hollering that she’d caught one, and I smiled. I figured she’d caught a nice bass, maybe even a small catfish. But what came out of the water wiped my smug smirk from my face — it was HUGE, the biggest bass I’ve seen come out of that place in years.
She wrestled in up to shore and we couldn’t believe it. Though we thought it a ten-pounder at first ( I told Mark C. is was 12), it turned out to be almost 7 pounds, and 21 inches long. Not a mounter, but still a fine fish. Big Bertha finally met her match, indeed.
By the time we took it back and put it in the freezer, got the four-wheeler fixed and made it back out to the pond, the sun was sinking low in the large blue-into-orange sky. We only caught a few more small bass before day ended. And as we walked on up to the house in the dusk, our clothes and shoes becrapped, our hands ripe with bass slime, we laughed and titles were bestowed.
Debbie is officially a badass fisherwoman. Let all sing her praises.

29 Quotes Taken From Actual Medical Records (thanx Ph8) 1. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better. 2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 3. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared. 4. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 5. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983 6. Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing. 7. I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor. 8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. 10. The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him. 11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 12. The patient refused an autopsy. 13. The patient has no past history of suicides. 14. The patient expired on the floor uneventfully. 15. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital. 16. The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. 17. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. 18. The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room. 19. The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 20. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. 21. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed. 22. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you would like to work her up. 23. She is numb from her toes down. 24. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. 25. The skin was moist and dry. 26. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. 27. Coming from Detroit, this man has no children. 28. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 29. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

Sure, we've all laughed at rocks shaped like the male anatomy, but snicker no more. This stuff's real art, folks. The human ability to sexualize the landscape now elevated to the aesthetic plane. James Joyce once wrote that any piece of art that aroused you was not art but pornography. Is this porn? Surely this isn't!

Has anyone been to Burning Man? I want to go. Having been to only one Rainbow Gathering, and a rather tame regional one at that, I'm ready for a large dose of weirdness (no pun there). Where else can you go and find naked blue men riding bicycles shaped like fornicating fish? The cool thing about Burning Man is that everyone participates. Six days of craziness in the desert. I took part in some of the nuttiness at the Rainbow Gathering I went to: the drum circles, a sweatlodge, the council meetings, etc, but I definitely felt like an observer. (Except for that one time when I volunteered to go get some light beams for the soup. I walked out into the forest and wrapped my arms around a beam of sunlight and brought it back to the group kitchen and proceeded to chop it up into the pot of chili. I can't remember what impelled me to do that.. Well that sort of half-ass obligatory participation is not allowed at Burning Man. You have to BE something or DO something. What a gas. What's even more amazing is that it becomes a self-sufficient city in the middle of an arid desert playa. Anyone wanna go?

Sometimes I love working at the newspaper, I must say. Like today, Robin, the features writer, gave me the new "Blue Wild Angel - Jimi Hendrix Live at the Isle of Wight" DVD, which also came with a CD. It's rocking stuff, especially the "In From the Storm" finale. What's really cool on the DVD is that you can watch the concert through multiple simultaneous camera angles through a picture-in-picture feature. This is great! As a huge fan of sixties music I'm an avowed sucker for new releases like this. Give me a few new features and I'll buy Electric Ladyland all over again. Anyway, over the past months, Robin has given me (or I've scored from her CD stack without her knowing) all sorts of sweet tunes: Gran Torino, Ulu, Parlaiment, Robert Randolph, Sublime, Chambergrass, Old and in the Grey, DJ Dara, and others. It's a shame that the promotional companies don't know that we don't do many CD reviews.. Anyway, I also want to tell everybody to go out and burn/buy Robert Randolph and the Family Band Live at the Wetlands. Soul rock gospel blues at its finest. I've been boogyin' all afternoon. To quote my grandmother, "Nobody dances like they used to. All they do is wiggle around."

How Lord of the Rings and Star Wars stack up. Apparently Star Wars is a ripoff. Or is it just part of the grand human mythological structure?

The Antichrist...Have You Seen This Man? A site on possible antichrists through history. FDR? Kennedy? I knew Sam Donaldson was, but Prince Charles? C'mon..

Ha! This guy rigged up a camera to a van that he had modified to backfire very loudly. When people were near, he'd rev it up, causing a huge BANG and then he'd snap the reactions. Pretty funny pictures.

Coooooooooooll. Buildings blowing up. Where demolition comes alive.

Did Edgar Allan Poe actually formulate the Big Bang Theory years before scientists? In Poe’s words, the Universe started from a single and unique primordial particle, which originally consisted of the whole of the substance, and later, on the Creator’s will, instantly split into innumerable, but finite, aggregate of elements. After the splitting, atoms started spreading in all directions, and they filled empty spaces and created a sphere; the above-mentioned primordial particles were to become the center of the sphere. Based on this hypothesis, Edgar Poe solved the famous Olbers’ paradox. Indeed, if the Universe was infinite and the number of stars in it was also infinite, we would have seen then a night sky as bright as the Sun itself!

This is how you talk good and stuff. If I see one more "We sell hot dog's" I'm gonna scream. Poor grammar is rampant and if we relax our vigil it will take over. Ain't that right.

Get it?

Get your theory trading cards today! Comes free with a pack of new Cultural Hegemony Bubble Gum!

Wow, the guys at Black People Love Us get along with black people so well! Gosh, it's just amazing, isn't it?!

"The idea of (children) loosely running around and chasing each other is not safe," Long Hill Elementary School Superintendent Arthur DiBenedetto told The Star-Ledger of Newark, N.J. What a load of crap. How else are children going to learn what a cruel, vicious world it can be?

According to Googlism: mcdowell is a not mcdowell is located in floyd county mcdowell is a real mcdowell is a real estate agent mcdowell is only six weeks into his pro career" mcdowell is the author or co mcdowell is the episcopal church camp and conference center for the diocese of alabama mcdowell is a realtor in clovis mcdowell is now available mcdowell is the perfect villain mcdowell is mcdowell is a member of the writer's guild of america mcdowell is one of a select group of writers chosen by george lucas to continue the life mcdowell is responsible for developing strategies and managing microsoft mcdowell is actually a name of origin in scotland mcdowell is a realtor in conway mcdowell is vice president and assistant general counsel for the competitive telecommunications association mcdowell is on the left at martin luther king jr mcdowell is located at 326 west walnut street in danville mcdowell is working on a new pitch mcdowell is right to appeal to the testimonium as independent confirmation of the historicity of jesus mcdowell is claiming that historical evidence demands a verdict for the christian faith mcdowell is determined to make it third time lucky on his home debut in the murphy's irish open this week mcdowell is smashing tiger woods college scoring records on his mcdowell is a progressive acoustic rock performer mcdowell is now tied for seventh as an individual for uab mcdowell is half mcdowell is winning new fans every day with her highly confessional folk rock mcdowell is the weekend sports anchor here at wowk mcdowell is left unable to walk mcdowell is a classic mcdowell is a natural entertainer who has been greatly blessed with one of the most beautiful voices you will ever hear mcdowell is also working with artistic director claude giroux and beth fauerbach as they develop the conservatory for young people and serves as an associate mcdowell is also the birthplace of one of the first known advocates of human rights mcdowell is the man behind this website mcdowell is located about 400 km north of toronto mcdowell is schoolcraft's third and longest mcdowell is one of the screen's most iconic actors mcdowell is forever alex of 1971?s a clockwork orange mcdowell is completely miscast mcdowell is the 626th most popular last name mcdowell is the graffiti prevention coordinator for the city of portland mcdowell is a trec licensed real estate broker in texas mcdowell is the author of two previous books of poetry mcdowell is an internationally known speaker mcdowell is a mcdowell is stuffed into a windowless room mcdowell is a recipient of numerous engineering society awards for research and teaching mcdowell is a reminder of how indebted rock is to the blues mcdowell is a most referred? realtor in clovis mcdowell is pleased this quarter to have acted as local advisor to viridian group plc in relation to its sale to a management buyout team of the mcdowell is one of the pre mcdowell is a board mcdowell is suddenly knocked out in the 1st inning at oakland and charged with the 8?5 loss mcdowell is a most referred? realtor in conway mcdowell is ninth in the nation in scoring with 17 touchdowns and one two mcdowell is the best choice to help you get that protection mcdowell is proud of "gangster no mcdowell is searching for regarding her new direction mcdowell is expected to build on these relationships in order to develop a number of cross mcdowell is active on various astm committees and is a frequent speaker on fire mcdowell is the author of mordred's curse and merlin's gift mcdowell is a full time software engineer for ensoft ltd mcdowell is the second ucsc faculty member to serve as a carnegie scholar mcdowell is studied today by military historians for several reasons mcdowell is that his "scholarship" is slipshod at best mcdowell is one of the only two companies in the world to have 7 brands that sell more than a million cases per annum in its portfolio mcdowell is the market leader in the imfl industry with a market share of over 25 per cent mcdowell is to become a small victory for jackson a victory that was desperately needed by the south mcdowell is reputed the pioneer settler mcdowell is out campaigning mcdowell is a genuine icon of traditional country blues mcdowell is featured along with a few members of the congregation mcdowell is back and badder than ever in his latest turn on the big screen mcdowell is presently interested in the rovibrational spectroscopy of small molecules and molecular clusters mcdowell is subject to discipline on count i under section 210 mcdowell is not a scholar mcdowell is expected to be criminally charged mcdowell is breathtaking in it's simipilicity mcdowell is a sculpted specimen torn straight from some muscle mag mcdowell is the division chief for the new tax audit division mcdowell is program coordinator at the chicago department of cultural affairs mcdowell is fighting for his political life and it's not a pretty sight mcdowell is the first uab golfer ever tabbed to the ping all mcdowell is located on vista valley property mcdowell is also chairman of georgia tech's materials council

Announcing Buy Nothing Day! In response to the massive consumer orgy known as Christmas in America, pundits and groups are speaking out, asking consumers ("consumers" !?) everywhere to reject the rampant materialism of the season and buy less. Is this good for the economy? Do we want an economy that demands public spending sprees? Interesting links to other arguments against Christmas Chaos here too.

Oh my god. Look at Michael Jackson now.

The sodaconstructor site is one of the weirdest I have ever seen. Someone has programmed an Erector-Set-type designing program that lets you build strange geometrical shapes and them animate them! Look at the examples for an idea of how it works--then prepare to spend hours building your own little odd creatures.

From Adam Felber's site, Fanatical Apathy. Wednesday, November 13, 2002 Minutes of the Tri-Border Terrorist Summit “CNN has learned from coalition intelligence sources that several top terrorist operatives met recently in the area -- where the borders of Argentina, Brazil and Paraguay intersect -- to plan attacks against U.S. and Israeli targets in the Western hemisphere.” - from CNN In Attendance: Imad Mugniyeh (Chairman), Assad Ahmad Barakat, Abu Zalaief, Pyotr Thorstenborg, Ibrahim al Muhammed, Muhammed bin Oslam, Muammar Assad, and Osama bin Laden (deceased). Minutes taken by: Carlos Escobar - Allah was praised. The meeting was called to order. - Minutes of the last meeting were read and approved. Allah was praised. OLD BUSINESS - I. Mugniyeh congratulated everyone on the successes of recent operations, singling out A. Zalaief for his part. A. Zalaief mentioned that he still hadn’t received remuneration for various expenses, even though he’d turned in receipts. I. Mugniyeh assured A. Zalaief that said remuneration was forthcoming. - I. Mugniyeh was congratulated on ease of setting up meeting. I. Mugniyeh pointed out that U.S. "obsession" with Iraq made event planning easier. M. Assad suggested sending Saddam Hussein anonymous "gift basket" containing fruits and skin care products. Motion was defeated (6-1, M. Assad Dissenting, O. bin Laden abstaining). - A. Barakat made a motion to open the windows, security risks notwithstanding. O. bin Laden’s advanced state of decomposition was cited, and the motion passed 6-1 (bin Oslam dissenting, bin Laden abstaining). The windows were opened. Allah was praised. - M. Assad raised the continuing issue of O. bin Laden’s status. I. Mugniyeh argued that O. bin Laden’s leadership was still valuable, heartbeat notwithstanding. Offered as evidence recent audio tapes of bin Laden and their inspirational effect on the faithful. - re: audio tapes. I. Al Muhammed noted that comic impressionist Youssef “Chickens” bin Achmed was now asking for twice his usual fee to record O. bin Laden’s messages. M. Assad argued that “Yemen’s most outrageous funnyman” had them “over a barrel,” as his bin Laden impression was flawless. Several minutes were spent recalling “Chicken” bin Achmed’s best routines. Laughter, Allah was praised. - A. Zalaief remarked that he hoped bin Achmed had been “saving his receipts," added, "not that it would make much of a difference.” Laughter ceased. I. Mugniyeh called the remark “snarky.” Zalaief apologized. Allah was praised. NEW BUSINESS - Lunch was served. M. Assad noted that good hummus was unavailable in South America. I. Mugniyeh remarked that some brands of Chilean hummus were “actually not too bad” and that M. Assad was “welcome to host the next meeting” if he so desired. M. Assad apologized. Allah was praised. - A. Zalaief counseled M. Assad not to host next meeting, as he “would never be paid back.” - A. Zalaief was executed by common consent (6-1; Zalaief dissenting, bin Laden abstaining). Body was removed. Allah was praised. - Debate as to nature of next major operation (“Plan A” or “Plan B”). Secretary was asked to not record details. -P. Thorstenborg inquired if the new operations would include “ the usual special two for one deals for first-class State Room passengers.” Silence ensued. - Questioning revealed that P. Thorstenborg believed he was at a cruise line’s annual convention in Buenos Aires. P. Thorstenborg was executed. I. Mugniyeh underscored the necessity for heightened security measures before meetings. Allah was praised. - Debate resumed. M. Assad said Plan A was best. Barakat argued for Plan B. Mugniyeh concurred. M. bin Oslam concurred. O. bin Laden gave passionate plea for Plan A. - Barakat accused M. Assad “puppeting" O. bin Laden. Cited nylon strings around wrists, uncharacteristically high voice, fact that O. bin Laden was actually deceased. - O. bin Laden denied accusation, but A. Barakat, I. Mugniyeh, and Secretary saw M. Assad’s lips moving this time. - M. Assad was executed by common consent (4-2, M. Assad and O. bin Laden dissenting). Allah was praised. - Meeting adjourned due to lack of quorum. Allah was praised. Next meeting TBA.Thursday, November 14, 2002

I just love being alive. And on vacation. Tuesday was a great day. I woke up and cooked Debbie some eggs and sausage and watched her off to work, then collected my gear and headed for the river. I’m skirtless so Leigh Ann let me borrow hers (thanks!), but around noon I was on the road in the crisp midday air, a sky impossibly blue. Scout went the whole way with her head and tongue hanging out of the window, smiles on the faces in cars we passed. Drove on up and over to the river, and it was at the perfect level, good to run, even better to play on. There was only one fellow there, a guy named Eric who I’d paddled with before. The water was so cold. I just outfitted my kayak with foam padding two nights ago, so I fit snugly and watertight. The water was at about three feet, plenty of whitewater and a nice foam pile on Five-O, the great park-n-play spot I adore. I spent a while getting warmed up, just side surfing in the roiling, frothing hole. As I got acclimated and the water worked its way into my skin I started getting’ jiggy, pulling blunts, enders, cartwheels, and surfing the entire wave. What a great day. The air cool and clear, water rushing by symphonic in intensity, the whirl and play of a small boat in big water. Yes. Scout stayed on the beach and barked, periodically getting up enough nerve to try and cross the river, but once she hit the first wave she’d balk and turn back no matter how much we yelled her on. She used to swim over every time, but I think she’s been dunked one too many times. When I got out to rest and sit on the rocks chatting with Eric and his girlfriend Jody, Scout would run in mad circles in the sand across the way, pausing only to dig a frantic sand pit and bark furiously at the water. Eventually Eric left and I was alone playing in the surf, watching the leaves fall in yellow splashes into the river. Occasionally a log would float by. No clouds at all. Finally a fellow named Tom Killian showed up, and his friend Mike. Soon we were all hitting the hole in succession, whooping it up and trying to get vertical, laughing along with the river. Rusty showed up, who’d been to see Widespread Panic in Huntsville the night before. And we surfed, until the sun was descending and the evening chill spread out across the water, making its way through our insulation, and one by one we climbed on the bank and watched the rest. Finally I had to go, my skin cold and my arms tuckered out. Scout and I loaded up and I headed back down the dirt road towards Blountsville, the music of the river rocking my mind into a moving smile.

What type of government do live under? DEMOCRAT: You have two cows.  Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful.  You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.  You feel righteous.  Barbara Streisand sings for you. SOCIALIST: You have two cows.  The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow. REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So? COMMUNIST: You have two cows.  The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour. CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows.  The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government. BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows.  The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain. AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows.  You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the second one.  You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead.  You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.  Your stock goes up. FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows.  You go on strike because you want three cows.  You go to lunch.  Life is good. JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows.  You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.  They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school. GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year. ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are.  While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch.  Life is good. RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows.  You have some vodka.  You count them and learn you have five cows.  You have some more vodka.  You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.  You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.  You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.  The Mafia shows up and takes over how ever many cows you really have. POLISH CORPORATION: You have two bulls.  Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them. FLORIDA CORPORATION: You have a black cow and a brown cow.  Everyone votes for the best looking one.  Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one instead. Some people vote for both.  Some people vote for neither.  Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.  Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking one. NEW YORK CORPORATION: You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas.

Got any questions about Arab-Americans? 100 of them to be exact? Here they are all answered.

When the idiots begin to prevail, pull out Carl Sagan's Baloney Detection Kit, and watch them run.

Welcome to the pseudodictionary, "the place where words you've made up can become part of an actual online dictionary! slang, webspeak, colloquialisms...you name it, if you know a word that should be in the dictionary but isn't, submit it and we'll post it on this site (with credit given to you of course)"

Need a cartoon today? Right now? Introducing the Comiclopedia!

Anyone else a fan of Bill Moyers? Here he comments on the new breed of Republican in Washington.

This is a very cool story about a girl who was backpacking through Vietnam and found a dealer selling, among other Vietnam War-era things, several dog tags that once belonged to American GIs. She bought them all and is trying to get them back to their owners' families. A very heartfelt account of her experience. If you know anyone who was in Vietnam, pass this on.

This is odd, but interesting. The Conceptual Metaphor Page is a research tool for the study of conceptual metaphor systems. The target phrases, "A problem is a region in a landscape" are strange but once you read them they make sense. It refers to what metaphorical process occurs when we say "We've got to survey the problem." The problem is now a geographical entity.

Today is my birthday. I'm 30. I'm taking off work and going kayaking..

Akiyoshi's illusion pages is a collection of truly amazing geometrical illusions created by a psychology professor in Japan. Note the disclaimer at the top - 'if you start to feel dizzy, you had better leave.'

It's brash opine, the poem. Read it and weep. Then scratch head.

Nice hippu hangu jeans! Apparently English words are infiltrating into the Japanese language, much to the consternation of elderly Japanese, who can't figure out that shadoh means 'eye shadow.' Sounds like a bad case of Engrish to me.

Anyone need a roll-up keyboard? I know they used to have floppy disks, but this is bizarre. I need a roll-up monitor, too..

Yaaaay Debbie! The CPA exam is behind her. She doesn’t know what she made, but I hope she passed. Four hours of gruelling test-taking has killed stronger people.. So we went out and celebrated with margaritas, and a mariachi band serenaded us with “Tequila” first, then later came back and Debbie requested a Gypsy Kings song, which they knew, and while they were singing two waitresses came over and grabbed us and started dancing! Soon we were all getting jiggy with it right there in the middle of La Manchas, or whatever the place is. More fun than a barrel full of monkeys. Now on to Europe..

All I have to say right now as we enter the vicissitudes of the Alabama gubernatorial election shakedown, is: Spasm waiter dropping to his knees, sees Slander on wrap paper ties Lifting up his head he feels the sunlight in his eyes Grasp a kettle top and shoot the breeze, please Ramble while slop scraper sighs Tossing in his bed at night he'll dream until he dies Operations at the sink The dribble liquid visible beneath his troubled eyes Feels it tilt and start to slide Mask a pretty hopper's foot with squeeze cheese Dangle some grape apple pies Tranquil and serene until he runs out of supplies Your hands and feet are mangos You're gonna be a genius anyway Your hands and feet are mangos You're gonna be a genius anyway

who dat

lovely

"If this magnetar were as close as the Moon, it would rearrange the molecules in our bodies," says scientist. Amazing.

Interesting Discovery Channel (who?) article on the recent assasination of al-Qaeda operatives in Yemen by a drone. Unmanned war becoming reality. I just hope everyone's watched "Maximum Overdrive."

Oh great. This site claims that You Are Where You Live. Apparently, where I live people are extremely likely to...

Be pro wrestling fans

Buy gospel music

Own a Mazda

Watch BET

Read GQ. What's up with that? I burn my gospel music--I don't buy it..

Tom Petty Is Pissed. And he is right. Great article on his beef with society and the music industry.

This site is pretty fun. Paint by numbers! Haven't you always wanted to create your own mark Rothko?

An update on the Sokol incident. Two brothers apparently received PhDs for spouting nonsense at Bourgogne University. The article is here. The ivory towers are showing a little yellow around the edges..

This bogus research paper by this guy, Alan Sokol, got into this academic journal, Social Text in the mid 1990s. In it he attempts to prove that "physical reality ... is at bottom a social and linguistic construct." Ha! A hilarious and illuminating story of the power of obfuscation.

A forward from Kelly: Work VS Prison > Just in case you ever got the two mixed up, this should make things a bit clearer: > > IN PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell. > > AT WORK... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle. > > IN PRISON...you get three meals a day. > > AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it. > > IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior. > > AT WORK...you get more work for good behavior. > > IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. > > AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and open all the doors > > for yourself. > > IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games. > > AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games. > > IN PRISON...you get your own toilet. > > AT WORK...you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat. > > IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit. > > AT WORK...you can't even speak to your family. > > IN PRISON...all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required. > > AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they > > deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners. > > IN PRISON...you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out. > > AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars. > > IN PRISON...you must deal with sadistic wardens. > > AT WORK...they are called managers.

Ah, Dave Barry. Here he rants on technology -- has it gone too far?

Who should run the Internet? The body that manages a key aspect of the internet, Icann, has failed and should be scrapped, argues technology consultant Bill Thompson. Interesting info on just how in the hell the Internet works.

The Storm King Art Center celebrates landscape sculptures, those huge things people do in large fields that few people ever see -- until now. Some really good discussion of the relationship between ourselves and the landscape we inhabit, as well as the aesthetics of landscape.

This guy rocks. In 1982 he tied 45 six-foot weather balloons to a lawn chair and shot up into the sky to 16,000 feet, was spotted by Delta Airlines jetliner pilots and eventually shot the balloons with a BB gun until he descended to earth near San Pedro, Calif., unharmed. The F.A.A. cited him for four violations of the Federal Aviation Act, including operating a "civil aircraft for which there is not currently in effect an airworthiness certificate." I love it.

What the hell is this? Some weird creature found in Chile. Article is translated through babelfish.

Beautiful images from the Galileo Project can be found here. Galileo has been in space for 13 years taking thousands of photos and readings, but it is time he left us. On November 4th, the craft will plunge into Jupiter, depleted of fuel, film and functionality. Read the obit here. Where are you, Rocket Guy?

I want a bar of this. Caffeinated soap seems to be the latest in techno geek/silicon valley accoutrement. Now you can start your buzz even sooner in the day! And if the soap isn't enough, you could just take the shower using caffeinated water...

The Democratic Underground has identified The Top Ten Conservative Idiots. At last?

This site discussing "nether belching" is rather ridiculous. --< gets cheap laugh by talking about farts >--

This is a good article on the latest work by Andy Goldsworthy, an artist whom I find incredible. This is what he does. Check it out.

A liberal argument for a regime change in Iraq, by Salman Rushdie here. Wonderfully written. Via (viva!) metafilter.

Since college and all that implies I have been a fan of recreational mathematics. This site is a listing of some very nice fractal web sites, where you can download eye candy by the bushel. Wow, man..

yeeee haaaa!!

Watch Mt. Etna blow from 500 miles above the earth's surface here.

whoa

A recent letter a friend of mine received: No, I have no plans to move to california. This is why Dilo doesn't want to come to Cali-- he's already talking like a hippy. Imagine what he’d sound like a year into Cali? Heres my guess: "Dude, so I was having an out-of-body experience and almost astral-traveled away yesterday, so I grounded myself and got centered with the help of my spirit guides and then the phone rang, and sensing the negative vibrations, I threw the I-Ching and checked my numerology chart, nearly having a primal, but my energy was too blocked. So I did some bioenergetics and self-parenting,took some flower essences and ate an organic oat bran ginseng muffin, but my inner child wasn’t feeling nurtured yet. To fix this, I had a Rice Dream Frozen Pie, which, of course, made me hyper, so I did the relaxation response technique I had just learned at the Self Healing Angst Tree Defoliating Center while listening to my subliminal tapes. But that left me feeling depersonalized, so I did some polarity work, foot reflexology, and past life regression, then rebirthed myself, and called Moon Beam, my body worker, to make an appointment for a Shiatsu/Reike/Rolfing/Feldenkreis/Swedish/Japanese deep tissue massage. Unfortunately, she flaked out and never returned my call, so I decided to energize my crystals and do some positive imagery because all my visualization techniques and affirmations made my space feel invaded. So to get empowered, I got a psychic reading from Mother Heart Love around the issue of my assertiveness so I could feel my radiance and have some energy for my psycho calisthenics and inversion swing before my harmonic brain wave synergy session. This made me more focused for my actualization seminar, holistic healing class and dream workshop, which in turn made me clearer for my Gestalt behavioral cognitive transpersonal Rechian-Jungian-Freudian-Ericksonian session at the hot springs, but my aura was too weak for my trance channeling group, so I fasted until noon to recharge my chakras. At that point, I sensed my intuition was high and my cycle was focused, so I turned on my ion generator to open up for my Neural Linguistic Programming session. But I needed to have my pyramid recharged before my guided synchronicity meditation, so I got some craniosacral therapy, which aligned me for the fire walk between my tarot card reading and my sensory deprivation tank appointment. But even after all that, I felt what I truly needed was a meaningful relationship to mirror myself, so I went to my personal shaman, and then to my guru, but they were no help, so instead I went to the Intensive Whole Life Earth Rebirth Cosmic Expo Symposium Workshop to find someone who really knew what was going on. That didn’t help either, so I locked myself in a calcium coated Orgone Box and meditated until 9PM. None of it really worked for me, so I got stoned and drank a six pack of beer - and dude . . . did I feel right with the world!"

yes

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