From Adam Felber's site, Fanatical Apathy. Wednesday, November 13, 2002 Minutes of the Tri-Border Terrorist Summit “CNN has learned from coalition intelligence sources that several top terrorist operatives met recently in the area -- where the borders of Argentina, Brazil and Paraguay intersect -- to plan attacks against U.S. and Israeli targets in the Western hemisphere.” - from CNN In Attendance: Imad Mugniyeh (Chairman), Assad Ahmad Barakat, Abu Zalaief, Pyotr Thorstenborg, Ibrahim al Muhammed, Muhammed bin Oslam, Muammar Assad, and Osama bin Laden (deceased). Minutes taken by: Carlos Escobar - Allah was praised. The meeting was called to order. - Minutes of the last meeting were read and approved. Allah was praised. OLD BUSINESS - I. Mugniyeh congratulated everyone on the successes of recent operations, singling out A. Zalaief for his part. A. Zalaief mentioned that he still hadn’t received remuneration for various expenses, even though he’d turned in receipts. I. Mugniyeh assured A. Zalaief that said remuneration was forthcoming. - I. Mugniyeh was congratulated on ease of setting up meeting. I. Mugniyeh pointed out that U.S. "obsession" with Iraq made event planning easier. M. Assad suggested sending Saddam Hussein anonymous "gift basket" containing fruits and skin care products. Motion was defeated (6-1, M. Assad Dissenting, O. bin Laden abstaining). - A. Barakat made a motion to open the windows, security risks notwithstanding. O. bin Laden’s advanced state of decomposition was cited, and the motion passed 6-1 (bin Oslam dissenting, bin Laden abstaining). The windows were opened. Allah was praised. - M. Assad raised the continuing issue of O. bin Laden’s status. I. Mugniyeh argued that O. bin Laden’s leadership was still valuable, heartbeat notwithstanding. Offered as evidence recent audio tapes of bin Laden and their inspirational effect on the faithful. - re: audio tapes. I. Al Muhammed noted that comic impressionist Youssef “Chickens” bin Achmed was now asking for twice his usual fee to record O. bin Laden’s messages. M. Assad argued that “Yemen’s most outrageous funnyman” had them “over a barrel,” as his bin Laden impression was flawless. Several minutes were spent recalling “Chicken” bin Achmed’s best routines. Laughter, Allah was praised. - A. Zalaief remarked that he hoped bin Achmed had been “saving his receipts," added, "not that it would make much of a difference.” Laughter ceased. I. Mugniyeh called the remark “snarky.” Zalaief apologized. Allah was praised. NEW BUSINESS - Lunch was served. M. Assad noted that good hummus was unavailable in South America. I. Mugniyeh remarked that some brands of Chilean hummus were “actually not too bad” and that M. Assad was “welcome to host the next meeting” if he so desired. M. Assad apologized. Allah was praised. - A. Zalaief counseled M. Assad not to host next meeting, as he “would never be paid back.” - A. Zalaief was executed by common consent (6-1; Zalaief dissenting, bin Laden abstaining). Body was removed. Allah was praised. - Debate as to nature of next major operation (“Plan A” or “Plan B”). Secretary was asked to not record details. -P. Thorstenborg inquired if the new operations would include “ the usual special two for one deals for first-class State Room passengers.” Silence ensued. - Questioning revealed that P. Thorstenborg believed he was at a cruise line’s annual convention in Buenos Aires. P. Thorstenborg was executed. I. Mugniyeh underscored the necessity for heightened security measures before meetings. Allah was praised. - Debate resumed. M. Assad said Plan A was best. Barakat argued for Plan B. Mugniyeh concurred. M. bin Oslam concurred. O. bin Laden gave passionate plea for Plan A. - Barakat accused M. Assad “puppeting" O. bin Laden. Cited nylon strings around wrists, uncharacteristically high voice, fact that O. bin Laden was actually deceased. - O. bin Laden denied accusation, but A. Barakat, I. Mugniyeh, and Secretary saw M. Assad’s lips moving this time. - M. Assad was executed by common consent (4-2, M. Assad and O. bin Laden dissenting). Allah was praised. - Meeting adjourned due to lack of quorum. Allah was praised. Next meeting TBA.Thursday, November 14, 2002