Yes, you read that correctly. Hollywood. The Feud. Survey says.
More about that in a second—what SUCKS is that because I’ve been called to defend my family’s sacred honor among the glitterati this weekend, I will be forced to miss my father-in-law’s acoustic gig in Birmingham, for which he will have traveled a great distance. You read the announcement here a week or two ago—Riely O’Connor, a great talent on the singer-songwriter circuit, will be performing at Java & Jams on Friday, November 30, at 8:00. That’s this weekend. And chances are neither I nor his daughter will be there (MP’s back is still healing), which is about as cool as the friggin’ sinking of the Titanic.
How did I come to be faced with such a conflict, you ask? To make a long story short, I’ll put it in handy, easy-to-read bullet points in third-person, chronological order:
- Last spring cousin Ray emerged from a very, very serious bout of leukemia. The family was elated. A badass, Ray spent a lot of his recuperation time angling for a spot on the Family Feud. He got it.
- The Johnston Contingency, consisting of Ray, Mason, Brice, Jim and Uncle Wat, flew out to Hollywood.
- They proceeded to get trounced by a Mormon family. However, they rocked on the show and were told they might get invited back for the annual “Lovable Losers” episode. Upon their return to Alabama, doubts prevailed as to their return to the stage. Entire family watched the show on Tivo at family gathering, to much guffawing.
- Around this time, Riely plans a gig in Birmingham, a first. MP and McD are elated. Serious plans ensue, involving friends and cohorts.
- Last week, the Johnston Contingency learns they’ve been invited back on the show as Lovable Losers. Shit hits the fan.
- Uncle Wat drops out, others in the family wisely recuse themselves, and McDowell is left as last-minute option. Apparently he’s not hip. Desperate, the Contingency asks if he will join, provided he doesn’t screw everything up. Much deliberation occurs behind closed doors.
- McDowell is torn. A chance to make an ass of himself on national television . . . or a sweet gig in Birmingham with friends and family? He asks Riely what he should do, who graciously tells him in no uncertain terms to hitch his wagon to the star, statim.
- McDowell accepts the somewhat reluctant invitation offered to him, does phone audition. He justifies the reluctance.
- When on the spot he is asked to name types of food that come in slices, he answers “Pineapple. Bread. Papaya. Tomatoes...” . . . and several other types of fruit. He starts listing every fruit he knows. There is some silence on the other end of the line. The producer-person asks him “What about pizza?” McDowell agrees that would have been a pretty good answer.
- Miraculously, he is accepted onto the show.
I’ll keep you posted as to when the show will air. The silly cometh.
