How to be persuasive

The new method.

Use of big words is persuasive several times over. They make you look all smart and other people look all stupid; hence, your argument becomes the more compelling. Furthermore, use of big words means you'll talk longer, and usually whoever talks the most is the most convincing. "Wow, look at all he has to say about this," people will say to themselves as they observe you making a protracted argument. "He must know a lot about this subject."

By way of example, compare the persuasiveness of the following two statements:

• "Hockey is better than football."
  
• "You are the manifest profusion of delusional ideology incarnate if you do not fulminate against the institution of football with great superciliousness and promulgate the preeminence of hockey."