I'm headed out for some reality

The Smokies are a-callin' me. Sounds oddly like this.. One evening as the sun went down And the jungle fires were burning, Down the track came a hobo hiking, He said, "Boys, I'm not turning I'm heading for a land that's far away Beside the crystal fountain I'll see you all this coming fall In the Big Rock Candy Mountain In the Big Rock Candy Mountain, It's a land that's fair and bright, The handouts grow on bushes And you sleep out every night. The boxcars all are empty And the sun shines every day I'm bound to go Where there ain't no snow Where the sleet don't fall And the winds don't blow In the Big Rock Candy Mountain. In the Big Rock Candy Mountain You never change your socks And little streams of alkyhol Come trickling down the rocks O the shacks all have to tip their hats And the railway bulls are blind There's a lake of stew And gingerale too And you can paddle All around it in a big canoe In the Big Rock Candy Mountain In the Big Rock Candy Mountain The cops have wooden legs The bulldogs all have rubber teeth And the hens lay soft-boiled eggs The farmer's trees are full of fruit And the barns are full of hay I'm bound to go Where there ain't no snow Where the sleet don't fall And the winds don't blow In the Big Rock Candy Mountain. In the Big Rock Candy Mountain, The jails are made of tin. You can slip right out again, As soon as they put you in. There ain't no short-handled shovels, No axes, saws nor picks, I'm bound to stay Where you sleep all day, Where they hung the jerk That invented work In the Big Rock Candy Mountain. attr. to Harry "Haywire Mac" McClintock

Herbert Kornfeld's latest

Yo, Don't Judge

Sigh

Oh great..

This was forwarded to me by Sharon: Subject: The Shell Economist Writing Prize 2003 Friends, Shell (as in oil) and The Economist sponsor an annual writing contest, with a $20,000 cheque and publication in The Economist for the winner. This year's topic is "Do we need nature?" Seems like a topic some L&E folks might want to comment on--length 2,000 words, deadline 22 August 2003. For further information, check the website: www.shelleconomistprize.com.

Where's Mark C.

Anyone interested in classic banjo? I am now.

It is Bike to Work Week

Over 40 Reasons to Bike to Work Bicycles Increase Mobility For Those Who Don't Have Access To Motor Transport. Bikes Increase Mobility For Those Who Don't Qualify To Drive A Car. Bicycles Increase Mobility For Those Who Can't Afford Motor Transport. Bikes Increase Mobility For Those Who Don't Want To Drive Motor Vehicles. You Get Exercise Form Bicycling Save Travel Money By Biking Reduce Stress Some companies actually pay you to bike to work Biking Is Therapeutic For The Mind & Spirit Cycling Is Therapeutic For The Body Your commute will be the best part of your day instead of the worst part of your day. Cycling Improves Self-Esteem Save On The Membership To A Health Club, Get Your Exercise Bicycling To Work Cycling Is Low Impact On The Body Cycling Is Low Impact On The Environment Bicycling In Your Neighbourhood Is A Great Way To Meet Your Neighbours Camaraderie of Cyclists Makes It A Great Way To Meet A Nice Stranger With A Similar Interest Bicyclist Can Ignore the Traffic Reports Feel the Self-satisfaction Of Biking Past A Traffic Jam In The Bike Lane. Predictable Commute Time Easier Parking Cheaper Parking Leaving Your Car At Home Provide A Parking Space For Someone Less Fortunate If You Are Lazy, Your Bicycle Provides Door-To-Door Transport (You Don't Have To Walk Across A Vast Parking Lot) Reduce Demand For Parking Lots Reduce Energy Consumption (see below) Reduce Air Pollution -- Bicyclist Emit Few Gases Reduce Water Pollution -- Bikes Don't Drip Brake Fluid, Anti-Freeze, Transmission Fluid, Etc. Reduce Noise Pollution -- Even Without A Muffler Bikes Are Quiet Reduces Road Wear -- Even If Cyclist Feel Like They Have The Weight Of The World On Their Shoulders. Prevent and protest the sanctioned murder of responsible citizens. Bikes Small Profile Reduce Congestion Reduce Need To Lay Additional Asphalt And Concrete Easier to Vary Your Route By Bicycle Bicycling Improve Cardiovascular Health Better muscle tone, bone mass improvement, clearer skin Healthier People Have Lower Health Care Expenses The Exercise Increase Your Productivity At Work Increased Bike Uses Generates Bike Facilities Which Increase Property Values Bicycling Gives You More Fresh Air Than A Sauna And You Can Still Sweat And Clean Your Pores Bike Commuting Is A License To Dress Weird And Still Feel Smug Urban Cycling Keeps You Humble Biking Is Virtually Life Long Activity Bicycling Can Be Enjoyed In A Wide Variety Of Topography Cycling Can Be Enjoyed In A Wide Variety Of Climates Bicycles Are A Great Means To See The World Bicycling is cool. Biking is fun and you know it.

Lunar eclipse tonight

Go here for more info. If the sky was clear, we'd see it around 9:30-10:00 p.m. Keep your cosmic fingers crossed.

Finally

You've seen the worst movies, read the worst books and heard the worst music. Now it is time to hear, read and watch the best.

paddling in the rain

The best comment heard so far, from a woman at a gas station looking at the strange kayak on the roof of the car out in the rain: "Aren't you worried that thing'll get wet?"
Today was one of those days that are tough to get out of bed on. Wake to low thunder and rain and Scout having jumped up on the bed with me, alert and trembling. It's Wednesday and I have no job. However the rain means the rivers will begin rising again this morning, due to last week's saturation. The rivers I like paddling the best are both perfect today. Did I mention that I have no job?
Before I head out I do my daily duty, calling my headhunters and looking in the paper, all to no avail. I have four people around Birmingham scouring the job market for me, which will cost me once I land a job, but what do you do. I have probably twenty resumes sitting in human resource offices around the city, waiting patiently for attention. Normally I don't allow myself much paddling time when I'm jobless, but today.. well I allowed myself an immersion.
When I arrived at the take-out it was pouring. Good sign. My paddling buddy and I loaded up and headed to the put-in, leaving one car behind, and within ten minutes we were in soft brown water, sloshing through the wet canyons. Rain would shower down at intervals. Damn, my boat's getting soaked..
The levels were great, meaning there are just enough rocks exposed to make the paddling technical, but the water is high enough to form holes and other playspots. All the big rapids were loud and pushy. It is amazing how vibrant a river canyon feels after days of rain, too. All the beaches smooth and newly carved. Piles of monster logs and jetsam shoved against trees where the high water forced them. The rocks, the water itself has a scoured look, as if scrubbed clean. The rain is keeping most of the critters in their holes, though we do see some wood ducks and lots of sparrows out enjoying the smorgasboard of drowned worms and insects. The snakes that usually are out sunning themselves on the large flat rocks are thankfully gone.
We make Powell Falls with a minimum of trouble, though my buddy did hit a rock at the bottom and scraped his boat up nicely. No noggin troubles today. I love approaching the falls from above. Once you pass under Swann Bridge (the old wooden trestle one), the river lapses into a silence carried by the slow, wide pace if the water there. You will drift for a few minutes past it when a slight rushing sound emerges, building slowly into the dull roar of the falls. Though I have run them many times, there is always something exhilirating about approaching them. After I'm down I like to paddle up into them, just feet away from the churning hole, surrounded by thousands and thousands of churning violent gallons that pour over the rocks and boil beneath me in a landscape of bubbles. And just yards downstream the water is cool again, calm and collected. Nothing to see here, folks. Move on.. We leave, but before we go around the bend we always stop and look back at the falls, that event, that liquid singularity.
We stop at the oft-heralded playspot "Ender hole" and throw a few cartwheels, and chat with a local fisherman who's managed to catch a few nice largemouths. Unlike many of the locals, he is friendly and doesn't find our outlandish appearance and watercraft a threat. We talk a bit about lures and he moves on with a "Take 'er easy". The rain is picking up. We drift toward my waiting car, warm and dry.
I may not have a job, but I know I have a life. It is one carried on currents.

The Best Cigarette

There are many that I miss having sent my last one out a car window sparking along the road one night, years ago. The heralded one, of course: after sex, the two glowing tips now the lights of a single ship; at the end of a long dinner with more wine to come and a smoke ring coasting into the chandelier; or on a white beach, holding one with fingers still wet from a swim. How bittersweet these punctuations of flame and gesture; but the best were on those mornings when I would have a little something going in the typewriter, the sun bright in the windows, maybe some Berlioz on in the background. I would go into the kitchen for coffee and on the way back to the page, curled in its roller, I would light one up and feel its dry rush mix with the dark taste of coffee. Then I would be my own locomotive, trailing behind me as I returned to work little puffs of smoke, indicators of progress, signs of industry and thought, the signal that told the nineteenth century it was moving forward. That was the best cigarette, when I would steam into the study full of vaporous hope and stand there, the big headlamp of my face pointed down at all the words in parallel lines. I love Billy Collins.

WOO HOOO!

High-res shots of nuclear explosions here. These things never cease to terrify some part of my soul.

via memepool

Inflatable church anyone?

If you've got a moment

Why not submit a 54 word story?

the poem

mcdowellcrook com began publishing, in reporting this is foolish is an interesting article from thismodernworld.com, forwarded to steal my car. I wanted to avoid it, was stupid, Just a bit in Iraqand so cold that CPA that 27 2003 Keep uncomfortable questions of the artist: In a hostile environment; but the CBC among others would suggest. DisplayCounts 200246954 ; Thursday, May sound. I like the Matrix: is so I realize that work he tried to leave expensive things Matrix, Reloaded, you are suddenly obscured. Want your site poemized? Any site? Go here.

Matrix redux

For those of you, like me, who are eagerly anticipating the release of The Matrix: Reloaded, you might find this site interesting. Somewhat nerdy and arcane, the site is devoted to all things Matrix, including dumb observations and good ones. One of the latter can be found here, via the Christain Science Monitor.
" "The Matrix" is compelling people to examine the plurality of religions versus the unity of truth, says cultural critic Read Mercer Schuchardt."
Really? I mean, the movie's premise is really intriguing, but it takes Keanu Reaves to make people wonder if Jesus is really the only son of God? Wow. Is no one reading Thomas Paine anymore?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEBBIE!

I just want to pause and celebrate the fact that 27 years ago today, a cute pudgy little baby was born who would one day blossom into the most beautiful woman I know. Debbie Hamilton, CPA, that is. And for those of you who have been misled into thinking Debbie is an accountant, I'll have you know that CPA actually stands for the "Cutie Patootie Authority," of which Debbie is a full-fledged member. Give her a call and show ya love. We're going out for margaritas tonight to celebrate - head to Sabor Latino on Green Springs at 7:30.

What the..?

It's the Nouse, or Nose-as-Mouse. Billed as a "perceptual user interface," this screen enables the user to use his or her face as the mouse. "These systems have applications in industry for disabled, immersive environments, security, video-conferencing etc." They also have applications for very strange work environments. You can get one here. I want one.

Audubon meets Dali

(via mefi) I like this guy. Very strange, indeed. Andrew Long says "Painter Walton Ford's vivid and fantastical watercolors explore the conundrums of human nature through the imagery of the animal kingdom." Conundrum is right, when you look at his other works. Another tidbit from a 2001 interview with the artist: In the watercolor American Flamingo (1992), for example, Ford's hot-pink bird is just as contorted as a famous one of Audubon's (who often used foreshortening and compression to fit his subjects onto his page), but his specimen has had its legs shot out from under it by a sharpshooter in the distance and is in death throes, spurting blood. This is not your grandmother's Audubon. But it's a facet that Ford finds most compelling. "When Audubon went to paint the golden eagle," he says didactically, as if to indicate another entertaining sermon coming on, "he got a living specimen, and he couldn't figure out how to kill it. He didn't want to harm the plumage or make it suffer, he said, too much, so he put it in a closet with a fire of charcoal burning and he tried to smoke it to death. And when that didn't work he put sulfur on the flames and tried to smoke it to death with fumes of sulfur. And for three or four days he left it in his closet, and when he came back it was still just staring at him. So he took a long steel pin, or wire actually, and he sharpened it, and drove it into the animals' heart, which killed it instantly. And as he then drew the eagle he was stuck by a violent fever and almost died. It took him fourteen days to finish drawing this bird, which, I was thinking, by the end of the fourteenth day must have been rotten, really rank. So all that imagery sunk into my head: Oh my God, he's trying to suffocate birds with smoke and sulfur, driving pins into their hearts, drawing them for fourteen days, and then falling into some dreadful fever himself-it's not the Audubon that you're thinking about with 'the Audubon Society.' It's just not cute. And I'd rather read about that Audubon, that flipped-out guy who's trying to gas eagles."

Lord almighty.

C'mon people

Well, I should have seen it coming. When I pulled my bike into the dry space under the awning in front of Joe Muggs to escape the rain, the black guy standing there made some unintelligible comment. "Hey, you shizzble chandleh?" Normally I'll fork over a coin or two if they ask for it coherently, but this guy answered my stare with dazed silence so I walked on in for a quick cup of hot coffee ... without locking up my bike. Why, that was stupid, you might be saying to yourself. And you would be correct. But you see, that's one thing I like about Five Points, as naive as it may sound. I can usually leave my bike parked outside the store and sit inside and enjoy a nice, hot mug o' java, completely unmolested. Even if there are homeless blacks (the horror!) dawdling outside, I try and act as if I trust people. And so far I've never had any problems.

Well, today was no different, except that after I had taken only a couple of grateful sips of my shot of espresso and spread the classifieds out before me in giddy anticipation, I made a customary glance toward the window to check on my baby and the asshole was trying to make off with it. Now I'm no violent guy, but I saw red. Luckily he was having trouble getting the chain extracted from the leg of a chair the bike had been parked behind, so I had time to run outside and pounce on him before he got very far. In my excited state, I grabbed him by the neck and pulled him off the bike and he freaked, yelling some unintelligible gibberish. I started cussing him out and the manager of the store ran out and sort of took him from me, pushing the guy down the sidewalk and threatening to call the cops on him. Good lord, I was pissed. Coffee was no longer necessary; the adrenaline was cruising through me. I don't know what I would do without my bike.

But the sad thing is, I just lost whatever simple feelings about Five Points I had. I realize that you just can't leave expensive things out in the open -- too much temptation for the weak -- but it really does feel good when you can. And I do, frequently. I like the feeling like I can trust people, especially in Five Points, where blacks, whites, rich and poor seem to be able to hang out with one another pretty well. If there is a liberal place in Birmingham, this is it. But for me that feeling, even if it was foolish, is no more and it sucks.

I shouldn't be surprised, especially after what happened in Rome with Debbie and I recently. Up until the last day of our trip, I had given little thought to pickpockets, though I had been duly safe with my stuff. But as we sat on a crowded commuter metro train heading to see the Vatican, I felt something digging around in my backpack, and sure enough, some jerk was trying to steal my camera. I couln't exactly freak out on the guy, being surrounded by who knows how many of his colleagues, which made the situation even more frustrating and humiliating. But after that, I was ready to leave Rome. I wanted to go home. Well, today I wanted to go home and lock up all my stuff and put bars on the windows. In fact, right now I'm worried that someone might be breaking into my car.

I know it is foolish to ignore the reality of iniquity, but I really do hate being suspicious of people. Even more than I hate having to attack some bum trying to steal my bike. I hope I will always be able to cherish whatever innocence I have, even if that means I sometimes get burned. I'm lucky it didn't happen today.

said:

"Messages are things that go in bottles, or on a telephone. They're not for the cinema." Good interview with John Malkovich here.

Another reason why the internet is a strange, strange place

This is so bad.

Mercury rising

(via mefi) Not that we'll be able to see it, but Mercury will be visible from earth tomorrow, May 7, an event that happens roughly thirteen times a century. You can read more about the trajectory here, which will be broadcast here. After just reading 2001: A Space Odyssey by Arthur C. Clarke, I want to check this out. It's full of stars...

Ack

Bloom county is back. Those who were big fans of this bizarre, hilarious comic back in the 80s will be glad to know that www.mycomicspage.com began publishing, in March, the entire collection of Bloom County cartoons, even including the precursor comic, Academia Waltz. You've got to register for the comics, but I don't think it costs anything. Help Opus find his mommy. Also, you can read incredibly factual and authentic material about Breathed here.

Mistakes were made...

An interesting article from thismodernworld.com, forwarded to me by Sharon (thanks). I don't think the writer realizes that often it is the headline writers who use passive voice because ambiguities exist in the story. Anyway, problems have been caused. A growing trend disturbs me: passive verb choices are used in embarrassing war headlines. With normal verb subjects omitted, actions and responsibility are suddenly obscured. Story content becomes more difficult to understand. Upsetting news is not registered by readers, while credit can still be taken for running hard stories on page one. Editors making such choices remain unblamed. Today's print-edition L.A. Times has these news headlines on its front page -- and one of these things is quite plainly not like the other: High Court Upholds Jailing of Immigrants GOP Budges On State Budget Asia Bands Together On SARS Palestinian PM Urges End To 'Armed Chaos' Music Industry Tries Fear As A Tactic To Stop Online Piracy Tense Standoff Between Troops And Iraqis Erupts In Bloodshed Look closely -- of the six headlines, the first five are clear, simple, Noun-Verb-Object structures: A) these folks B) did this C) to that. You can get the gist of these stories in a single glance. The last, however, is plainly different -- structured passively, turning a simple story into semantic mud: Tense Standoff Between Troops And Iraqis Erupts In Bloodshed Hmm. Odd, isn't it? It's actually impossible to know what happened, who was responsible, or what it means. Did blood just suddenly start spurting from every orifice, perhaps, like the Monty Python version of a Sam Peckinpaugh-directed lawn party? Not quite. The actual headline, had it been written as plainly as the others, would have been: U.S. Troops Fire On Iraqis; 13 Reported Dead Which, while a bit jarring, is how Canada's CBC (among others worldwide) covered the exact same story. (The questions of whether some Iraqis fired first, fired back, or were even armed at all, remain unresolved.) Just a quick study in media manipulation. It's damn near constant, and the net effect is inevitably a gross and misleading disservice to readers, about as detailed and accurate as Hiroshima, Nagasaki rocked by powerful explosions might have been in an earlier era. Watch and see how many times U.S. and British editors suddenly slip into passive tense only when they're delivering news that might make readers a bit uncomfortable. Incidentally, the BBC's predictable use of passive tense in reporting this same incident -- Protesters shot in Falluja omits entirely who even held the guns -- right next to clear, non-passive headlines like Bush to declare fighting 'over' Rumsfeld hails troops in Iraq and so on. As a rule, passive tense equals at least some level of manipulation. Any decent writer knows to avoid it, precisely because it's confusing -- but editors often rely on passive tense to keep uncomfortable questions about individual and collective responsibility (including their own) at bay. (update) More from Bob Harris: Passive tense continues to kill Iraqi civilians. The CBC is also now carrying this, recording a second such incident: U.S. Troops Fire Again On Iraqi Protesters While the LA Times front page currently says (at 5:04 pm pdt 4/30/03) 2 Iraqis Killed In New Shooting and CNN's front page says Second day of deadly clashes in Iraqi town CNN's inside story carries this quote from a U.S. soldier directly involved: "All I know is a couple hundred people gathered out in the streets; they threw rocks, so we shot back, and they all ran down that way." But the story is nonetheless passively, fault-removingly headlined: Two killed in second clash in Fallujah There ought to be an activist group called Citizens Against Passive Tense. It seems to kill more people than any other single cause or clause) on Earth. (another update) More from Bob Harris: Alert readers have pointed out a) it's passive "voice," not "tense," and b) while the above examples are all worded to obscure the active subject, not all exactly fit the dictionary definition of the term. Absolutely right. Thanks. Still, the point about misleading headlines is clear. Otherwise... Mistakes were made.

Whom cares?

So is it who or whom? Its or it's? Lie and lay? If these annoying details get the better of you, as they frequently do I, er me, try this site, which seems awfully helpful. Just don't go out and start correcting people once you've mastered them.